Growing Up is Hard On Me

Yesterday, I dropped off my daughter's registration packet for Kindergarten at the elementary school.

I've been looking forward to her starting Kindergarten for a while now for my own sanity.

Don't get me wrong, I love spending time with my daughter at home.

She's in preschool, but only part time.

I spent the first 3 years of her life working, so it's been nice to have her around more and to be able to do the "stay at home mom things" with her.

But honestly, there are days when it would be nice to drop her off somewhere for 7 hours, and just have to deal with one kid.

But after dropping off her packet, and getting the kids loaded back up into my Jeep, I just sat there staring at the building that would be her school this Fall.

The tears started rolling down my face, and before I knew it, I was sitting there crying in the parking lot.

I think what made it worse was the fact that I had been so impatient and short with Dannika all day long.

All day long, I was yelling at her to "hurry up!", "don't touch that!", "be quiet!", "no!".....etc. etc. etc.

I was overwhelmed and frustrated that day.

Realizing at the moment that my "baby" had grown so much in such a short time slapped me in the face. 

I feel like it was literally yesterday when I was pregnant with her, taking maternity photos on the beach in San Clemente!

 When did this precious angel...

Become this little lady?

 I never realize how fast time flies when I'm living each day in the moment.

I guess that's a good thing.

But when I stop to breathe and reflect, it makes me so sad.

It makes me desperately want to look into my memory and make sure that every single moment of my children's lives were meaningful. 

I start to beat myself up a little when I start thinking about the day that I let her sit in front of the TV too long because I didn't feel like finding something productive to do.

I start beating myself up a little more about the time she asked me to go see a movie, but it seemed like too much of a hassle, so we waited months for it to come out on DVD.

I guess at the end of the day, you can't make every single moment meaningful and "pinteresty".

But I hope that one day, when my kids grow up and read this blog, they know that I did the best I could.

My 5 month old throws baby tantrums.

I just let him carry on.

I was drinking coffee.

Coffee was more important at this moment than tending to his needs.

Big sister to the rescue.

Rolls for days.

This chunkster weighs as much as his sister did when she was 1!