Peace, Love, & War

In Nick's 18 years of service, his toughest deployment has been the Battle of Fallujah in Iraq in 2004. The Battle of Fallujah is an iconic battle in the post 9-11 era, and was considered one of the biggest urban battles since the Battle of Hue City in Vietnam. In 11 years of marriage, Nick has rarely opened up to me about his experiences in Fallujah. I've been careful not to pry, and have just let him share what he wants when he feels comfortable. It doesn't mean I don't have a million burning questions. I've tried to dig through his things to get some sort of inkling of what he saw and experienced. He was awarded a Navy Achievement Medal (NAM) for his actions in Fallujah with a "V" device for Valor. I also have a Navy Achievement Medal, but mine does not have a device for valor because it was not earned in combat. I got mine for being my recruiting station's "Rookie Recruiter of the Year" (just to give y'all some context to the award). I've asked a few times throughout our marriage how he got his "V" on his NAM, but he usually beats around the bush, and doesn't give me a straight answer. I stopped asking, because he clearly is uncomfortable with the question. I used to take that pretty hard.

I held that inside of me while silently having my feelings hurt, because I wanted to respect him.

For the last 11 years of our marriage, I have watched Nick's health deteriorate slowly. First it was a little back pain that turned into a big back pain. Neck pain. Limbs going numb. Migraines. A little sleeplessness turned into full blown insomnia. Hearing loss and severe tinnitus (if y'all didn't know already, he wears hearing aids). With all of these health issues comes irritability, some depression (which he has not been diagnosed with...I am just assuming), and a lot of frustration. Nick hides it very well. No one would know all of these issues that he deals with on a constant basis.

The pills either make him feel worse or don't help him at all. I have changed our family's eating habits and lifestyle to try and alleviate some of his discomfort. It has helped a little, but not a whole lot.

In the last year, Nick has really started to take his health a little more seriously. He is close to retirement. After watching all the hassle I went through to get my benefits through the VA, he knew he needed to really start documenting his health issues. Documentation is EVERYTHING when it comes to the VA and getting benefits. If you just show up at your exit physical complaining of all sorts of medical issues, the first question they ask is, "where is your documentation?". He also began to go see "the wizard" all on his own. The wizard is a term that some Marines use to call a therapist. I have asked him to go see a therapist several times, and I always got the typical answer...







So when he told me that he had started to go see "the wizard", I was genuinely shocked and so giddy inside. I tried not to be weird about it though (which I probably was), and thanked God for answering my prayers. I know that there is still a lot of healing that needs to happen, and I am grateful that he's taken a proactive step towards that.

I finally felt peace as far as Nick and his experiences in combat. Up until now, I felt so "in the dark" about everything. Because he didn't want to talk to me about it, I didn't know how I could help him. Knowing that he was talking to someone (a professional!) about it put my soul at ease. 

Several months later, Nick and I were getting ready for bed, and he casually mentioned to me, "so, I turned in all my paperwork for a Purple Heart." I stopped what I was doing, and had to ask again, "a what?! You were injured in combat??? When? How?" I had so many questions running through my head. 

 
He told me how he was injured, and explained why he chose now to finally put the documentation in for his Purple Heart. He posted this on Facebook:

"You can’t prepare yourself for everything. No congratulations needed. 14 years have passed since we were in Fallujah. The scenario was about as kinetic as it could have been. Enemy fighters were trying to push out of the city to escape the tanks, troop carriers and the Marines that were moving in quickly behind them as they cleared house to house just like the did through Hue city in Vietnam. Our job was not as dangerous as that but just as important as we established our blocking positions near the cloverleaf to prevent anyone from leaving the city and to provide safe passage for the Maine effort as they moved into their attack positions. The only protection we had was from the guard rails in front of our vehicles and minimal micro terrain. The enemy attempted to soften our position with rockets, small arms fire, and mortars. While I was moving between vehicles I was caught in it and I don't understand how I came out of it with all of my limbs and only received some secondary shrapnel and a concussion from the incoming mortars and rockets. I have kept this mostly to myself and between me and some very close friends. I didn’t burden my family with any of the details of that night or any other night. Today I received a Purple Heart from that night. The only thing I can say is it is an honor and privilege to wear it for those who no longer have the means and a burden to bare until the next life. I am honored and sad. To be honest, I’m not exactly sure how I feel. Maybe at peace. Semper Fi. I wear this for you Vincent Bell, Louie Cardin, Benito Aguilar, Jordan Stanton, Donald Hogan, Andrew Brownfield and the hundreds who made the ultimate sacrifice. Rest easy and we will remember you always. Thanks to Hana and the kids for keeping me grounded and forgiving me for everything and to my close friends who always lifted me back up."

Nick was officially diagnosed with traumatic brain injury (TBI). It was finally an explanation for all his health problems and symptoms he has been experiencing for all these years. He's been given a referral the the TBI clinic at Camp Pendleton, and we are so grateful. They have one of the most state of the art TBI clinics in the nation. It's truly a blessing.

His Purple Heart was approved, and his long overdue Purple Heart ceremony was last Thursday. He didn't want a ceremony. He actually told his XO, that he would be totally ok with him just putting it on his desk when it comes in. I wouldn't stand for that. Not after all that we have been through as a family. I also know his unit would not let him just have it "put on his desk". The Purple Heart is weird in the fact that it's an "award", but not one you can really earn on your own merit. I know several Purple Heart recipients have told me that they feel guilty wearing it, because many of the service members who got the same award didn't make it home alive. I see it as a symbol of sacrifice, and I am really proud of Nick.  

Here are some photos I managed to snap with my iPhone from his ceremony. Someone took some nicer photos, but I don't have those (obviously). Nick felt really weird that people wanted photos with him, but oh well...

This is Nick with two other 2ndLts that he went to TBS with. 

I know this post is long. If you made it down here, wow....you have too much time on your hands and need to find a hobby (kidding...maybe). It was actually way longer, but I condensed it and took a lot of details out. I guess if you really want to know more, you can ask me! I really wanted to share a little part of Nick's story, and our family's journey. Like I mentioned before, I asked Nick if he was ok with me sharing this. I know it's very vulnerable for him. I'm a very open person on social media, and on this blog, but when it comes to sensitive or personal matters that involve my family, I always ask before I post. The biggest thing is, we just want other families who are dealing with combat trauma and the wounds of war to know that they're not alone. 

Instagram: @semperagblog

Why Yuma Isn't Such a Bad Duty Station

When I tell people we are stationed in Yuma, most people give me a look of pity. Typical responses we get are...

First of all...RUDE.
Second of all...Yuma is not a "hot spot" duty station for most Marines. It's literally in the middle of nowhere. There's not a whole lot to do here. The summers are brutal. There's not a whole lot of things that make Yuma appealing when looking at it from the outside. When Nick broke the news to me last summer that we would be coming here instead of going to Okinawa, I was a little crushed. But I came here with a positive attitude, and I was determined to find the silver lining. I put my faith in God. I just knew he had a great purpose for us being here instead of Okinawa. I have always had conflict with God when it comes to the Marine Corps, and this is the first time I truly surrendered to Him.

His plan was evident with just our house hunting journey. We originally had planned on living on base housing.  But after looking at housing market trends in Yuma, we had to jump on the chance to buy. The cost of living in Yuma is SO affordable! I will have to do a whole another post on buying real estate. Nick and I have owned 3 homes in the last 10 years, and they've been the best investment. Anyway, we purchased our home (site unseen), and thanks to an amazing realtor (shout out Breanna Sanchez), we found the most adorable house in a great neighborhood. We had so many concerns about this house because it had sat on the market for so long. A turnkey house in a nice neighborhood shouldn't sit on the market for as long as it did. Our realtor did some digging, and found out that the listing agent had the number of bathrooms listed wrong, and it probably wasn't coming up on people's searches. This house was sitting on the market when we had orders to Okinawa! I truly believe in divine intervention. I believe that God had this house "saved" for us before we knew we were coming here.

Friday afternoon in our backyard! We are putting a pool in our backyard!

Another wonderful thing about Yuma is that it us just a short drive into California. Yuma literally sits right on the California/Arizona border. I literally accidentally drive into California all the time by missing an exit. Our family has done several trips to Southern California to get away from the desert, and it has been wonderful. We have a ton of friends stationed at Miramar and Camp Pendleton, and it's been great to just drive over to visit them for a weekend.

We've known Emilee since we were stationed in Boston. She is now stationed on Camp Pendleton, so it was a treat to be able to go visit her on a weekend trip to SoCal!

This past weekend, our former nanny from College Station flew out to San Diego from Houston to spend 3 days with us at the beach!

It's really nice to be able to be near a place where people are willing to travel to in order to see you! Let's face it, no one is dying to come to Yuma, but no one is going to say no to San Diego.

Nick is also in an amazing billet with amazing Marines. He genuinely enjoys going to work every day (minus the occasional complaints that EVERY SINGLE MARINE has). He has "normal" working hours, and we get a lot of family time. That's been the biggest blessing for our family....FAMILY TIME. After spending so much time apart, our kids are really taking advantage of having dad around.

We live just 2 miles away from a famous hiking trail here, Telegraph Pass. 

Visiting dad at work on base!

I look back at the last 7 months here in Yuma, and I've been really happy. I miss Texas. I miss my Texas friends. I miss my kids' school. I miss being near family. I MISS TEXAS...it's my home. But there is so much I don't miss about Texas. I don't miss living away from my husband. I don't miss solo parenting. I don't miss the humid weather. I don't miss the feeling of "keeping up with the Joneses" (there is a LOT of that in College Station).

I don't have to explain every detail of life as a military family to people who don't understand it. It's refreshing. Again, I truly miss Texas...but there's also a lot I don't miss. Don't get me wrong, I definitely want to go back home one day when Nick chooses to retire. Texas is home. You will never convince me that there is a better place than God's country.

I can truly see God's plans for our family in action here in Yuma. We found an AMAZING church that we absolutely love. We found an amazing school for our kids to attend. We love our neighborhood. We have truly found the "silver lining" in being stationed here, and are excited for our future. We have found that Yuma is a great place to be stationed. It is a small, tight knit community, and a great place to raise a family. All my skepticism and doubt about coming here are completely gone.

For my military spouses who might be stationed here one day, it's not the end of the world. It's a pretty great place!

The Month of the Military Child

Gosh, it's been a hot minute. Every time I make a bold claim that "I WILL keep up with this blog", I fail miserably. The truth is, I Instastory my life so much, that I find myself not being as inspired to blog. I have yet to switch my blog to Wordpress (like I have been saying for MONTHS), and who knows if that will ever happen. But anyway...

I shall grace you with my rambling today...

Since April is the "Month of the Military Child", I thought I'd share some things about my own two children and how awesome they are.

If you're a longtime follower of my Instagram/blog, I don't have to repeat my life to you. But if you're new, I'll give you the "Barney style" rundown. I am a former Marine of 10 years, married to a current active duty Marine (who will hit 18 years of service this July), and mom to 2 pretty fantastic military "brats". If you're really curious to know the whole back story of how my husband and I ended up together...just click here. You can read all about our whirlwind elopement in fabulous Las Vegas.

Back to my 2 fantastic military "brats". I have a love/hate relationship with the term "military brat". When used in the right context, it can be endearing.

Who wants to be called that anyway?! I have said this a gazillion times that military children should be the most respected members of a military family. Why? Because my husband and I CHOSE to serve. I CHOSE to marry my active duty husband. My children had NO CHOICE. They were born into our family, and forced to live this life. Not that children ever get a choice in the circumstances they are born into, but that's a whole another blog post for another person to write about. 

As parents, we have tried our best to give our kids the most "normal" life with the best opportunities we can provide. My children are involved in sports, music, activities, playdates...all the things that "regular kids" do. We make holidays special, and celebrate everything and anything that is a reason to celebrate! From that viewpoint, we are a pretty normal, All-American family!

Of course, circumstances due to the fabulous "Uncle Sam" will throw "normal" out the window in a heartbeat. My 9 year old daughter has been in 5 schools in 4 states...again...she's NINE. My 5 year old son has been in 3 schools in 2 states in his short lifetime. We tried to do the math once, and roughly figured out that both of our children have lived more of their life with their father deployed to combat or gone for training than with him under one roof. These kids are resilient.

My children have certainly "bloomed where they have been planted". Of course, we always go through an adjustment period, and I'm not saying it's always been easy. If anything, it's been rough. Our move here to Arizona from Texas was by far one of the toughest moves we have done yet. My oldest had deep seated roots in Texas with a group of friends that were thick as thieves. I think I shed more tears leaving Texas than any other duty station....not because I was sad, but because I felt like we were literally ripping our daughter away from an amazing life and group of friends. My son had just started Kindergarten in Texas, and after only 6 weeks (when he was finally getting adjusted), we moved and put him in a new Kindergarten class...in a new school...in a new state. Being 5, and being the "new kid" is tough, and I admire little Mattis for his courage and tenacity.

We have been in Yuma for roughly 7 months now, and it finally feels like home.

Our kids have settled into their new schools and have made friends. Most importantly, they get to live under the same roof as their dad, and that is a blessing. The things that most "regular kids" find so normal are things that my kids cherish. I wish you could hear the squeals of excitement when my husband has time to drive them to school in the mornings, or see the excitement on my son's face when he sees his dad on the sideline at his soccer game (cheering him on like a fool). The smallest things are the biggest things to a military kid.

They deserve a month to be dedicated to them. There is a generation of military kids growing up with a parent (or both parents) who have served in a wartime military for 18 years. I truly believe that these kids are going to change the world with the worldliness and experience in this oftentimes, uncertain life.

Why I Love Routines, and My Morning Routine

I've been posting a lot on my Instastories (@semperag_blog) about my morning routines lately, and I've had a few people ask me about it. By few people, I mean like 3 people. REGARDLESS, I figured I'd just put it out there on the old blog for everyone to read. I'm trying not to neglect this little piece of the Internet that is mine.

If you know me well enough, you know how much I love routine in my life. You would think I'd be the type of person that can easily "roll with the punches". After being in the Marines for 10 years, and being married to a Marine, it should come natural, right? Oddly, that is so far from the truth. When my routine gets messed up, I start to stress out, and my anxiety really starts to creep in. I think that my craving for routine comes from being a military spouse. I've been apart from Nick for most of our marriage. When he's gone, I tend to get into a strict schedule day by day, hour by hour (sometimes minute by minute!) to help ease the burden of doing things alone. This has really helped me cope with the loneliness, but at the same time, it has hindered relationships I have with the outside world.

It's a little selfish of me, because I expect all my friends to fit into my schedule when I need them to, but won't adjust my schedule for their own busy schedules. 

I've gotten better at it though, but I am still a work in progress...with like a long ways to go...lol.

One thing that I CAN control without affecting others (or feeling selfish) is my morning routine. I choose to get up an hour before the rest of my family wakes up, so that I can have my "me time". There is something serene about the quietness of a home when everyone else is still asleep, and it is still dark outside.

I don't do coffee. I'm not one of those people who say, "I NEVER drink coffee", but it's really not for me. I normally chug 16 ozs of water as soon as I wake up. Next, I dilute a shot of Bragg's Apple Cider Vinegar in a glass of water, throw a scoop of Vital Proteins collagen peptides in it, and down it like a college frat guy taking his first Irish car bomb (because ACV tastes like crap). Although I don't drink coffee, my body does crave something warm to sip on, so I usually heat up a glass of water, squeeze half a lemon in it, and sip on it while I listen to the news ("Alexa, what's today's news?"), read my bible, and catch up on social media. Right before everyone starts to wake up, I make myself an egg and 2 egg whites, and douse it in Sriracha. BREAKFAST OF CHAMPIONS! This has been my routine for years, and it's my favorite part of my day.

This past week, I have added drinking celery juice every morning on an empty stomach. If you follow "Medical Medium" on Instagram, he sorta started this craze about the benefits of celery juice on an empty stomach every morning. I still do my Bragg's ACV, collagen, and hot lemon water, but I wait 20 minutes after having my glass of celery juice do drink the rest of my morning's concoctions. You can read in detail about the benefits here. I'm all about any new health fads (as long as they seem legit), and am willing to try it out. I don't think it's feasible to be doing this every single day (that's a lot of dang celery you have to buy). I plan on doing it for about 2 weeks, then tapering off to drinking it 2 or 3 times a week. I definitely can feel its' affects on my body. I deal with a lot of inflammation in my joints (thanks Marine Corps!), and just in the past 3 days, my inflammation seems to not be so bad.

So there y'all go. Currently, my routine in the morning is:
-Celery juice
-listen to the news
-read my bible
-scroll social media
-sip hot lemon water
-take a diluted shot of ACV with collagen
-1 egg, 2 egg whites, Sriracha

Oh, it's cold and flu season around here, and there are sick kids everywhere. My son has been sniffly and coughing for a few days now, so I have also added a shot of elderberry syrup to everyone's morning routine in my house...lol. Nick calls me a hippie while rolling his eyes in his head. Whatever! Here is an article  on the benefits of elderberry syrup if you've never heard of it! I started to feel sick yesterday, and felt my body coming down with something. I loaded up on my lemon water (vitamin C) all day yesterday and drank my elderberry, and I feel 200 times better today!

It's been abnormally cold (for Yuma) lately, but I have't been complaining. After barely surviving 2 brutal winters in Massachusetts, this little "winter" we are having in Yuma is nothing. I hope all you beautiful people are having a great 2019 so far! It's almost March soon (my birthday month!).

Being a Military Spouse on Social Media

Several months ago, I chose to change my Instagram account (@SemperAg_blog) from private to public. It was a decision I pondered over for weeks. I'm not a paranoid person, but my Instagram was set to private after a news story broke several years ago about how terrorists were targeting military families through social media. That seemingly shut my life off from the rest of the world. I am a very open and honest person. I do choose to highlight the good and funny parts of my life like most people do on social media. I don't get TOO political, and I have no problem sharing my thoughts, feelings, my kids, and my family for the world to see. Shutting my life off with the exception of the friends, family, and acquaintances that I "accepted" into my private page kinda sucked for me.

I have met a community of military spouses that are beautiful, smart, funny, and empowering through blogging and Instagram. Most of them, I have never met face to face, but I feel like I know them. We all share this mutual bond of being married to someone serving our country, and many times, I have found myself reaching out to these complete "strangers" to vent about my issues (hey, it's easier to vent to someone who really doesn't know you). When I made my Instagram private, I quit connecting with new military spouses who were seeking advice, friendship, validation, and whatever else that comes with this life. Since my profile was private, I think it deterred a lot of people from "requesting" to follow me, because they thought I would think they were being nosy. By making it public again, it was almost like giving the world an open invitation into my life. Once again, I began to meet a ton of new people who are sharing the same experiences of this life with me.

Of course by allowing people to have an "open invitation" into my Instalife, there comes a handful of critics (or "trolls" as you people under 30 call them). Most of those people don't follow me, but they do occasionally browse my page, and always seem to have some sort of negative remark or snide comment about just about anything I post. I literally posted an Instastory once of my morning concoction of warm lemon water, ACV, and collagen, and someone slid into my DM's to say, "you're wasting your time and money with all that stuff you're putting in your body. just eat a balanced diet!"

Ok, Susan. Thanks for your unsolicited advice. (not her actual name)

Last night, I complained a little about the fact that Nick was heading back to 29 Palms for training again (after he just got back a week ago). I was upset he was missing Valentine's Day, after I had my hopes up of finally getting to spend a Valentine's Day with him. We are long overdue for a date night, so I was really looking forward to it. Well, good old "Susan" wants to comment...

"You should be grateful your husband is not in Afghanistan right now."

Thanks Susan. Oh by the way, I've been there, and done that.

These random shots at me sometimes hurt my feelings. I get my feelings hurt easily. I have to constantly remind myself that these are the consequences of making my life so public on social media. It's not like I have a TON of followers, but by keeping everything public, a TON of random strangers get a glimpse into my life. And strangers behind a keyboard are the bravest with their jabs.

But even with the occasional rude comment, I really enjoy keeping up with the lives of other military spouses who choose to keep their lives open to me as well. I have a sense of community when I feel lonely (because trust me, this life can be lonely at times). They always make me laugh and remind me not to take life too seriously. They remind me that we are all in this life together and all going through our own internal struggles. So because of that, I'll just continue to keep my life open on the internet.

Anyway...those are just my thoughts on that...
As for now...

It's 8am on Tuesday morning, and my house is quiet. A rare occurrence for me at 8am. I'm usually on the road by now dropping my kids off at school and getting ready to head to the gym. But not today. I am here in my quiet house, typing away at this blog that has been neglected while basking in the silence of the morning.

Mornings are no different in my home than most people who have children that go to school, and adults that need to get ready for the day. My trophy husband, Nick, has taken it upon himself to start taking the kids to school every Tuesday morning. He usually has to be at work by 7:30 (unless he chooses to go PT with his Marines...then it's like 5am). He announced last week that his work would not miss him if he comes in 30 minutes later than usual, one day a week, so that he could take his kids to school. It's amazing how much a simple task like having dad take you to school is such a big deal to two little ones (well, D is not so little anymore....more on that in another blog post). I cherish these small moments. Because of the nature of Nick's profession, these moments are few and far between, and we never know when he'll be whisked off to a faraway land to serve our country...away from us. So a seemingly insignificant task like "dad taking the kids to school" is a pretty big deal around here. I'm thankful. I'm blessed. I'm good.

Just a Quick Separation

Our family got a whole 3 1/2 months together as a family before the Marine Corps decided "enough family time for y'all". Nick left today for a training exercise in 29 Palms (up in the desert of Cali) for about 6 weeks. But, I'm always a "silver lining" type of girl, and 3 1/2 months together as a family is the longest that we have all been together under one roof in over a year! I am grateful for that! For those who are new to my blog, Nick is an active duty Marine. Up until last October, our family lived apart from him for a year while he completed various schools and training on the east coast. 

No matter how many times we do this though, it still sucks. But here's the funny thing, it doesn't suck the day he leaves. It sucks the day before he leaves. I think it's the anticipation leading up to "the big departure" that makes it suck so bad. We are all trying to squeeze in as much quality time as possible right up until the very last minute, and it can be emotionally taxing. I actually hate it when Nick lingers around the house the day he is supposed to leave. I'm like, "just leave already!". 

These days, with iPhones and social media, separations are a lot easier than just 10 years ago. It was 2010 when Nick went on his first deployment to Afghanistan away from 6 month old Dannika and me. Even then, smart phones weren't really a thing (I think I had a Blackberry???), and the Skype connection was sketchy at best. I am grateful that we have more effective ways of communicating today. 

I am a big girl, and gone are the days of me crying myself to sleep in my pillow the day Nick leaves for anything Marine Corps related (yes, I used to do that). I think after being married to him for 10 1/2 years, I have just become a "seasoned" military spouse, and have gotten used to doing things alone without my partner. I actually look forward to the quiet evenings alone. I am 10 times more productive when Nick is gone, so I look forward to checking things off my list and getting into a good routine. But it doesn't mean that it doesn't suck for my kids...especially my youngest. Today, Mattis celebrated Martin Luther King Jr's birthday at his school. Each kid made little hats with their very own "I have a dream" statement. Mattis' said, 

"I have a dream to have my family live together." 

I cried. A boy needs his father, and this sentiment has never been more apparent to me than in this past year trying to raise Mattis without Nick. To all the single moms raising little boys, I raise my glass to you. It's hard. 

I always say that Nick's wife is the Marine Corps, and I am his mistress. I wonder if his wife is mad that he is paying his mistress' bills, and paying her child support 😆. Gotta keep a sense of humor in this oftentimes uncertain life. 

And I always send Nick a selfie the day he leaves so he doesn't forget the "snack" he has at home 😂

Mattis and I just returned from a wedding in San Antonio last weekend, so I'll be blogging about that soon! Y'all can always follow me in IG: @SemperAg_blog . I post the most random things.

Happy 243rd Birthday, Marines!

If you have lots of friends who are Marines, then your social media feed is probably being blown up with "Happy Birthday, Marines!" memes. If you haven't had the honor and privilege to be associated with our awesome legacy, then it is probably annoying to you, and you're probably rolling your eyes at the sight of every Marine Corps meme you encounter.

If you ask most military members that are not Marines when their branch's birthday is, they probably can't tell you without doing a quick google search first. I have friends in all branches of the military, and they always seem to be attending random balls throughout the year celebrating random things. For instance, I have noticed a lot of the other branches do separate balls based on the birth of their units or MOS's (Ranger ball, engineer ball, etc. etc. etc.). Not the Marine Corps. We ALL celebrate the birth of our Corps on November 10th of every single year. The thing I love most about being a Marine is that no matter what our jobs are, at the end of the day, we are all Marines. I've never met a Marine recon guy (our special forces) introduce themselves like, "hey, I'm recon in the Marines." It's always just, "I'm a Marine." But you bet your ass when you meet an Army Ranger, the first thing they mention is, "I'm an Army Ranger." I get it, theres a lot of pride in being an elite Ranger in the Army. I think it's cool that the entire Marine Corps sees themselves as being elite by just being a Marine.

Nick and I celebrated the Marine Corps Birthday this past Thursday here in Yuma. It was our first ball here, and Nick's first ball outside of 1st Marine Division! He is officially part of Marine Aircraft Group 13. It was held at the Civic Center on a baseball field! It was our first outdoor ball, and it was HUGE. There were roughly 2800 people there to celebrate the Marine Corps Birthday! This time of year in Yuma is GORGEOUS, so the thought of an outdoor ball wasn't surprising to me. However, being a "desert newbie", I forgot that the evenings in the desert can get pretty chilly. I chose to go with a short dress this year instead of a long gown because it was an outdoor ball.

The dress I wore is a Nha Khanh, and I'll definitely be wearing her more!

Her dresses are stunning.

I'm also pretty impressed with my arms. 

I've been on a new workout plan since we moved here, and I'm seeing some pretty awesome results!

And you can't go wrong with a dress that has pockets...

And we always have to do a "Gig 'em" photo.

The eagle, globe, and anchors (on his collar) that Nick is wearing on his blues actually belonged to an artillery officer that fought in Okinawa during World War II.

They were gifted to him by my former Ordnance Officer, Capt Najmulski.

Like I mentioned, 2800 people. 

It was packed.

The birthday cake.

It is tradition that the guest of honors gets the first piece of cake, the oldest Marine present gets the second piece of cake, then the oldest Marine gives the youngest Marine a piece of cake to symbolize the passing down of experience and knowledge.

This part always makes me feel old.

The youngest Marine at our ball this year was born in 1999.

1999, y'all.

I was a freaking freshman in high school.

Nick and David.

They went to The Basic School Together and Ground Supply Officer school together!

Nick and the Guest of Honor, Brigadier General Borgschulte.

We even got the General to throw up a Gig 'em!

What a fun night to celebrate our amazing legacy. Each year during this time, I am humbled that I got to have a small part in it. I am grateful for those Marines who have gone before me, and those who will go after me.

Happy 243rd Birthday, Marines!

Church Shopping

One of the many struggles that we face as a family when we move is finding a home church. You can actually read about our struggles of finding a home church when we were stationed in New England here. If you are a believer, then you understand the importance of finding a place of worship that you can call "home". For me personally, I need a place to go to every week where my soul can be fed and nurtured. I want my kid's faith to grow, and I want them to enjoy going to church every week.

I grew up hating to go to church. When I was old enough to stay home by myself, I faked being sick more times than I remember so that I wouldn't have to go. Looking back, I realize I hated going, because the church my family attended did not fulfill my spiritual needs. It was a Korean Presbyterian church. My parents are Korean immigrants, so it was the right fit for them. They were among other Korean speaking believers. But as a first generation American born child, going to "Sunday school" every week with the extremely small group of youth who were also first generation Americans just wasn't right for me. I wanted to go to the "normal" English speaking churches that all my friends from school attended. I wanted to attend youth group with my friends from school. I oftentimes felt left out because our church simply did not have the programs that the bigger American churches offered. I have used my past experience as a learning tool as a mom. When we look for a home church, one of the first things I want to know about is the children's ministry. I grill my kids about their experience in kids church. I don't want them growing up hating church because Nick and I choose a church that only we like.

I have put off trying out a new church since moving here with the excuse that "we are still settling in".  When it reality, I am just anxious about being the "new guy" at a new church. I finally told myself yesterday that I had beaten a dead horse with that excuse, and committed to testing out our first church here in Yuma. I found a southern baptist church on Google that was only 5 minutes away from our house. Their facebook page and their website looked promising. From their website, it looked like a contemporary church with a great children's ministry.

Our family got up this morning bright and early, and got ready for church. As soon as we pulled into the parking lot, Nick didn't hesitate to say, "I don't think you're gonna like it here." I don't know why he got that vibe, but I tried to stay positive and told everyone that we were just gonna try it out. As soon as we walked in, I realized that 90% of the congregation were senior citizens. I felt like I was walking into my grandparent's church. Then we were informed that there was no Sunday school for our kids. They do Sunday school an entire hour earlier than the regular service, so my kids were going to have to sit through an adult service with me. I told my kids before walking in that we were just trying this church out, and that if we didn't like it, we'd try another church next Sunday. My sweet, sweet son blurted out to the door greeter (a sweet old granny), "My mom said we are just trying this church out, and that if we don't like it, we would go to another church next Sunday." (Insert nervous chuckle from me and a face palm). Anyway, our family took seats in the back of the church, and after sitting there awkwardly for 5 minutes, we just walked out. Actually, Nick had taken Mattis outside to look at a water fountain they had, and Dannika and I basically ran out. I tried not to make eye contact with anyone, and literally rushed out so fast. It was extremely uncomfortable and extremely awkward. I am praying no one recognizes me at the grocery store from that church and silently judges me.

So church #1 was a big fail. I'm sure it is a lovely little church, but I am a strong believer that we need to do fellowship with at least a few people in the same stage of life as us. The people at that church were about 3 to 4 decades ahead of our family. My sister found a few churches for us via Google search, and we have a little list of potential maybes for next Sunday. Please pray for our family as we continue to find a church that we can call home!

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Desert Dwelling

We made it to Yuma! I know it's been a hot minute since I've posted on here. I do so much life sharing on Instagram (@semperag_blog) that I sometimes feel this blog is unnecessary. But then I get the itch to write, so I guess my little corner of the web shall remain as is.

Our move from College Station to Yuma was pretty smooth. Nick and my son made a father/son road trip out of the move, and towed my car on the back of a trailer with his truck. Dannika and I chose to fly, and we made it out here a day after the boys did. Our stuff arrived mostly undamaged, and we are so grateful for that. I had been reading all sorts of horror stories about military moves this year. I guess this has been one of the worst PCS seasons for many military families. Lots of families missing furniture, receiving their things grossly damaged, and the list goes on. We are in the minority I guess when it came to PCS season this year (praise Jesus!).

Yuma is a small desert town located between the California and Mexico border.

It's mostly a military/retirement community. There are lots of "snowbirds" down here (retirees that move here from colder climates just for the winter to escape the cold). As a Marine, I have been here before for training, and from what I remember (before moving Here) is that this place is full of bad chain restaurants catered for its' young military population and older retirement population (still true). Since actually moving here, I have realized that there is a lot more to Yuma than I realized. I can't say that I LOVE it here yet, but God has shown me glimpses of how great life will be here for us.

We decided to buy a house out here. Our house is one of the things that I LOVE about this place. I will have to do a separate house tour post soon. But I am in love with our house. It has so much character, and it is definitely a place that I am going to really enjoy my time at. Nick also promised me a pool, so I'll keep y'all updated on that situation. Hey, if you're gonna drag me out to Yuma, Arizona, you betta get yo girl a pool!

Our kids school is ok. We came from such a top tier school district that we knew coming here, it'd be unfair to try and compare the school here to the one we came from. BUT...Arizona has some of the lowest paid teachers in the entire nation, and when you invest so little into your educators, the quality of education goes down. Not because the quality of teachers, but because of the lack of resources and funding that teachers here get to do their jobs. It's sad really. I have already been disappointed by the school here, and we have put our kids on waiting lists for a public charter school here and also a private school. We are hoping we only have to deal with public schools here for this school year only.

Anyway, I'll give more updates on our life here. I just wanted to give everyone an update about our short two weeks here so far! I am so grateful to finally be together as a family, and there truly is nothing better than that (even in Yuma!).

3 Tips on Making Solo Parenting Doable

It's officially September, and in 8 days, our family will be whole again! By the time Nick comes home, we will have officially lived separately for 354 very long days. Looking back on the last year, I truly appreciate the sacrifice that Nick made when he agreed to the decision to go on with his training without his family with him. I'm not saying that it was easy for me (or my children), but it was definitely harder for Nick. I know boredom, and missing out on our lives for past year has really been rough for Nick. It's been tough on our kids to not have their dad around every day too. I pray that one day, they can look back at this year we got to spend in good ole College Station, and truly appreciate the extra time we got to spend here.

Over the last year, I've really had to readjust my life to parenting "solo". I never use the word "single parent" in my case, because I'm not a "single parent". I have a loving and supportive partner who more than provides for our family financially and emotionally. There is no child support or child custody arrangement involved (which many single parents deal with). Before Nick left, I was used to having a lot of help with our kids. Nick does A LOT for me around the home when he can. He cooks, does dishes, cleans the house, bathes the kids, gets them ready for bed, and always remembers to pour me a glass of wine. It was also nice to have another person to share carpool duties with. On days I had a lot going on, just having Nick to pick up D from gymnastics, and grab Mattis from school was so helpful. When Nick left, I had to figure life out alone, and there was definitely an adjustment period.

I thought I'd give y'all 3 tips on how I "solo parent" to make my life a little less stressful. These things really help me to "sail my ship smoothly"!

1. Structure. I'm a former Marine (of 10 years), and married to a still active duty Marine who just happens to be a former drill instructor. We love structure in our lives! No, we don't run our home like a boot camp, but there is definitely a lot of structure. When Nick is gone, I go into overdrive when it comes to structure. I schedule everything in our home down to the last minute.

For example, in the mornings, I am up at 5am no matter what. I need that extra hour before my kids get up for some "me" time. I throw on my favorite podcast (will blog about that soon) while I pack my kids' lunches, write them notes, get dressed, and go through their folders to see if I need to sign anything. This takes about 20-25 mins. I spend the last 30 minutes of my morning alone reading a devotional. My kids are up by 5:50am (it gives them 10 minutes to get up out of bed), and by 6:20, they've had their breakfast. They know if they're not done by 6:20, mama isn't happy, and I'm not messing around. I don't let them watch TV while eating breakfast or have screen time (because that distracts them). Their sole purpose in life is to eat. By 6:35, they've brushed their teeth and gotten dressed. I brush their hair, pack their backpacks, and make sure they're ready. This gives us a good 30 minutes to relax before we need to be out the door. I let them watch a TV show, or play a game on their tablet. Our mornings are stress free and calmer because we are not rushing to get out the door to make it to school on time. No one is yelling to "Put your shoes on!" or "Where are your socks?!?" or whatever other phrase I have oftentimes yelled at my kids when we are rushing to get out the door. 

Out the door with plenty of time to take photos on our way to school!

Because I am doing this alone, having this structure keeps us all on task, and it helps me keep my sanity in tact. I don't have Nick here to help me with the load, so having a tight schedule really helps me make sure everything that needs to be done, gets done!

2. Me Time. I can't tell you how much I used to love days when I'd tell Nick, "you got the kids for a few hours. I just want to roam around Target." Being a solo parent gives you less alone time. The first few months Nick was gone, I realized I was starting to go a little crazy. One particular day, my kids were being the complete opposite of the angels that I knew them to be (hahahaha!), and I had lost my cool...like screaming at my kids like a crazy banshee. I sat on the floor of my closet with the doors shut, in the dark, with a glass of wine, and cried sobbed. I realized that I hadn't done anything for myself since Nick had left. I booked a baby sitter, texted all my friends, and planned a girls night. I try to make a genuine effort to hire a sitter, and go out with my friends for dinner every once in a while.

Me and my friends on our last "girls night out".

Also, I go the gym every. single. day. I don't skip days. Some days, I go twice a day. But that time in the gym is my favorite time of the day. It's where I do my thinking, and just let all my frustrations out.

This is my gym fam. They really are like family! 

3. Pray. You know that 30 minutes I have to myself in the early mornings?  I read a devotional, and I pray. It really sets the tone for my day, and having some one on one time with God gives me a lot of peace. I often get stressed and anxious about everything that I need to do alone with my kids for the day. It's nice to get the reassurance from God that "I'm going to be ok", because He's handling it for me. I don't believe in that phrase, "God will never give you more than you can handle." That is lie. This past year has been WAY more than I could handle. However, through prayer and through His grace and mercy (lots of mercy), I have figured out how to handle this life that I've been chosen to live. I have fallen apart multiple times throughout this past year, and have questioned my life choices (more than once). Every time, God has found a way to show me that "this too shall pass".

There a several other ways that I have found to make solo parenting doable for me. I'll continue to write about it as I think about them. Everyone knows that I am a hot mess, so if I can do this, anyone can. It's just a matter of finding YOUR balance, and what works best for your family!

When Your Kid Grows Up While Daddy is Away

This is Dannika when we first moved here to College Station. She was 5 years old, and had just started Kindergarten.

This is Dannika today. She is 9 years old, and just starting 4th grade.

Today is the first time I looked at Dannika and thought, "Oh my gosh! She is really a 'big' girl!" Since 3rd grade, she is significantly more mature. She has grown so much emotionally, physically, and mentally. It's hard to grasp that she is the same little girl in the first photo. 

During parent orientation for third grade (last year), I remember her teacher saying that "3rd grade is when they seem to grow the most." I nodded in agreement, and went on with my life. But in the blink of an eye, it happened. I looked at Dannika today, and realized that she is a completely different girl than she was a year ago. She is SO much more mature. I can leave her at home alone (with Mattis) for an 1-2 hours during the day while I run errands, go to the gym, etc. If Mattis is misbehaving, she texts me from her iPad. She sets her own alarm in the mornings. She picks out her own clothes. She's like a miniature grown up. 

If you keep up with my life, you know that Nick has even gone since September of last year. He's come home for most holidays, but for the most part, he has been living in a different state than us. This is nothing new for our family. As a military family, I have spent more time alone than with my husband due to his (and my) commitment to the Marine Corps. Nick missed countless holidays and milestones in our family because of the Marine Corps. But, this year...has been the hardest. You would think that him being in combat would be the hardest, but honestly, it wasn't. I think when he was in Afghanistan, I went into "la la land". I refused to believe the conditions he was in, and refused to think that he could possibly not come home. I lived in my safe bubble, to protect my heart from the possible worst news...every military wife's worst nightmare...the "knock at the door". 

Thinking about Dannika today just made me so sad that Nick missed an entire year of her life when she did so much growing. We did our best to make him a part of our life while he was away through phone calls and FaceTime, but it's never enough. He's not home for dinner time shenanigans, bath times, bedtime conversations, family movie nights, family game nights, ice cream dates, etc. etc. etc. I can go on and on. But my heart is most broken of the fact that he missed this entire year that our daughter grew so much.

I know it doesn't get easier. Everyone keeps reminding me that puberty is on the horizon, and that I need to enjoy this time while she likes me. But I can't think about the horrors of puberty as a military wife. Our "right now" sucks because we've been apart from the better half of our family (and trust me...Nick is the better half...I'm a hot mess). 

Anyway, regardless of all of this "blog vomit", I know that our life as a military family is for God's glory. Although, my prayers sometimes consist of a lot of "why me" and "you must hate me", I have comfort in knowing that I am the daughter of a King who allows me to be mad at Him. He allows me to yell at Him. He allows me to use Him as a "punching bag". And yet...He still chooses to love me, pursue me, comfort me, and be my friend. 

"I can never escape from your Sprit! I can never get away from your presence! If I go up to heaven, you are there; if I go down to the grave, you are there." (Psalm 139:7-8)

I hope everyone has an awesome Labor Day Weekend! Follow me at on Instagram @SemperAg_blog , and message me!

Celebrating Birthdays as a Military Kid

I thought of a million ways to start this post, but let me just say...

"Today is my sweet baby boy's 5th birthday!!!!"

It sounds so cliché, and I feel like every parent says the same thing every year on their kids' birthdays, but...

"Where does the time go?!"

It literally feels like yesterday when we moved here to Texas, and Mattis was barely 1! He took his very first steps in our home here, and here he is, 4 years later. Mattis is my comedian. He keeps me laughing every single day with his funny antics and hilarious insights about life and his circumstances. His love language is physical touch (physical touch is the lowest on the ladder for me), and he shows me every day that human physical contact is important. He is quite the charmer with his adorable smile, and nobody is a stranger to him. He is sensitive, and wears his heart on his sleeve (just like his mama and his sister). He loves playing with Ninja Turtles and the Hulk at bath time, but also loves playing with his sister and her American Girl dolls. He loves watching YouTube videos of kids opening toys (eye roll). He is a dreamer and a lover of life. He shows me not to take life too seriously. Happy 5th Birthday to my sweet baby boy!

Here is our family when he FIRST moved here to Texas!

Here is my sweet birthday boy, today as a big 5 year old!

This isn't the first birthday that Nick has missed. I can't count the number of birthdays, anniversaries, and special occasions that Nick has missed due to commitments to the Marine Corps. I distinctly remember Dannika's 1st birthday. Our first child's first birthday, and he was in Afghanistan. I remembered how disappointed he sounded on the phone when he called me on her birthday all the way from Afghanistan. I vividly remember him trying to sound excited and up beat as he Skyped us on her birthday, but as his wife, I could see right through his facade of fake emotion. Truth is, he was sad he couldn't be with us to celebrate such a milestone birthday. It never gets easier either. Every time he has been away for a big milestone or holiday, I get the same Nick on the phone. A father trying his best to have a positive attitude, and trying his best to exude some sort of excitement on the phone or FaceTime as he hears his family celebrating miles and miles away. But I know. I've been married to the guy long enough to know when he's trying to hide his disappointment for not being here with us. 

But this is our life. 

Nick texted me today, and specifically asked me to "...make sure Mattis knows that I really want to be there for his b day. I can't tell you how many birthdays {insert name of someone in his life} missed and never cared about calling or doing anything for us." 

Then I cried...in my car...after working out at the gym. Sweaty and crying is not a good combination for me. Not good for my skin...

It's tough on me as a mom to try and make things like birthdays super special for my kids. I have a lot of mom guilt, because their dad's not here. So I make up for it by going a little overboard with birthday celebrations. But in my 10 years as a military spouse, I have come to realize it's even harder on the spouse that is gone. Imagine watching your family "do life" from afar, and there's nothing you can do to be there with them. It sucks. I remember being deployed, and while I wasn't married or had kids, I remember watching everyone "back home" living their lives, while I was just "there". Someone once told me, "When you're deployed (or away from family), life stops for you. But life goes on for everyone else."

So, what do we do to make it easier?

FACETIME AND PHONE CALLS! It's all we got! I make it intentional to FaceTime Nick when we sing Happy Birthday (at 6am), and we call him and FaceTime him multiple times throughout the day. We try and make him a part of our celebration as much as possible! I constantly remind the kids of how much he loves them, and wishes he were here. 

As a seasoned military family, we've come up with creative ways to include our Marine when he's gone. I think it makes my kids appreciate him so much more when he is home, and it makes him appreciate us so much more when he's with us. At the end of the day, we are super proud of Nick. All the time he's spent away is worth it to us. He has one of the most noble professions in the world, and I proudly stand by him!

Here are some photos from Mattis' special day!

I went to HEB (our local grocery store) at 9:30 the night before to buy candles, because I realized we had no candles for his Birthday donuts.

I woke up at 5:30 to go to Shipley's Donuts to buy him donuts before he woke up.

HASHTAG MOMLIFE

I'm also going to add...

This dang "Happy Birthday" banner that I bought at Target was a PAIN IN THE BUTT to put together...

It literally took me 20 minutes....

 We started with sparklers....

This photo, I forced him to smile (by screaming...loudly talking..."SMILE MATTIS!!!"

This was his actual face during the entire time the sparkler was lit until it burned out....

We sang and danced to the Koo Koo Kangaroo birthday song (that is permanently stuck in my head all day)

"Hooray, Hooray! It's Mattis' Birthday!"

We did church...

Mattis and his stuffed dog Jake (that Dannika made at Build-A-Bear) for him as a gift.

One month old...

and Today!

We have a family tradition to let our kids pick wherever they want to eat for their birthday!

Mattis wanted Chick Fil A...

But his birthday is on a Sunday this year...

Talk about one disappointed 5 year old.

He settled for Mad Taco instead (which was a better choice for me!)

Then he request a trip to Walgreens (lol) to get a toy.

He chose this gigantic ball called the "Wubble Bubble".

It comes in this little package, and you blow it up to make it big.

He's a simple kid.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MATTIS! You're the coolest kid I know!