My Struggles with Eating Disorders & Mental Health

I'm usually a pretty open book when it comes to my life. I've shared a lot of my life on this blog in hopes that maybe it'll help someone else that is going through something similar. Every once in a while, I'll share on Instagram about some of my past struggles with an eating disorder and body dysmorphia. Those posts usually are reflective for me. After a good work out, I look in the mirror and am amazed at how far God has brought me, and I feel convicted to share.

I started my period today, and felt crappy. My body craves carbs and sugar the day before my period (two things that I rarely ever crave/eat), and yesterday, I gave into those cravings. I had an entire roll of sweet tarts (I ALWAYS crave a sour, fruity candy before my period), and before bed I ate WAY too many pretzels (hello sodium and carbs). I woke up bloated, and kicking myself in the butt for going a little crazy with my cravings. I headed to the gym like I always do after dropping off my kids, and I felt ten times better after my work out. I didn't feel guilty anymore about eating bad yesterday, and was just grateful to be in a place where a simple work out could make me feel this way.

It wasn't always like this for me. 

I am a first generation American. My parents immigrated here in late 70's from South Korea, and I was born in Houston, TX. I grew up in a traditional Korean home. Korean women tend to be teeny tiny. I did not inherit the "Korean girl gene". I'm not a big person by any means, but compared to the "average" Korean girl, I'm considered "big". I was reminded of that my whole life...by my mom, my grandma, my aunts...At family gatherings, women would pinch my arms, stomach, and legs and ask "how much weight have you gained? You look fat." In fact, my sweet grandma (whom I love) told me I was getting too fat. I WAS 20 SOMETHING WEEKS PREGNANT WITH DANNIKA! I know you Americans reading this are probably HORRIFIED at this. My husband was when I first told him. But here's the thing...these snide remarks were not meant to be malicious in any way. I know it's hard to believe, but it came from a place of love. It's a cultural thing, and Koreans tend to be pretty up front and blunt if they feel comfortable around you. I believe the Latin culture is very similar. This could be a WHOLE another post, and there are actual, peer reviewed sociological studies done about this subject, but I won't bore you.

Growing up being told you're getting fat your whole life does WONDERS for a girl's self esteem. Let me tell ya. 

I remember the first time I made myself throw up. 

I think I was 16 or 17. I ate 2 corn dogs, and felt SO guilty about it. My parents were at work, and I was home alone. I remember going to my kitchen and trying to puke into the sink using a chop stick (we're Korean, remember? we had lots of chopsticks). That didn't work, so I ditched the chopstick and shoved my fingers down my throat and made myself throw up. It was disgusting, and I felt worse afterwards. I turned the faucet on, and let the garbage disposal do its' job.

I joined the Marine Corps after high school with a plethora of emotional baggage. That's for another post as well. As a Marine, physical fitness is a big part of "our job".  I used that as an excuse to make exercise a priority in my life. That priority became an unhealthy addiction. I was later diagnosed with OCD. I became obsessed with running. All my miles had to be even numbers. On the treadmill, if I ran 6.1 miles by accident, I'd run another 1.9 miles to make it an even 8. Even the calories on the machine had to end in a 0 for me. 602 calories? Nope. Gotta to get 8 more calories to make it an even 610. For those who truly know what OCD is, people who are ACTUALLY diagnosed with it have control issues. My life was out of control, so I tried to control every aspect of my life that I could physically control, and exercise was it. Also,

it really annoys me when people who aren't medically diagnosed with OCD are constantly talking about how "OCD" they are.

You're not OCD. You're just a neat freak, Karen. (*insert eye roll)

This post is super long already, but for pretty much the rest of my time in the Marine Corps I struggled with this. I was officially diagnosed by a mental health professional with OCD, anxiety, depression, body dysmorphic disorder, and panic attacks, It had all caught up to me and came crashing down (because it ALWAYS does). I was bulimic, addicted to exercise (cardio), counted calories obsessively, obsessed about how much food and what kind of food I ate, and was addicted to diet pills and laxatives (one particular brand that has been banned and outlawed because people were literally dying of heart attacks). After my first child was born, Nick deployed to Afghanistan. I spent that entire 7 months losing the "baby weight". I still remember when Nick first saw me after 7 months at his homecoming. He was shocked. Not at how "good" I looked, but shocked at how thin I was. To this day, Nick says that I was "too skinny", and thought I looked like a "bobble head".

I actually LOVE this photo. 

I have it blown up and framed in my house.

This was our first hug in 7 months, and that is the greatest feeling in the world. 

But I also cringe a little.

I was so tiny, and taking dangerous diet pills...I was not healthy.

*************************************

I once had a friend comment on this photo, "you look so good! I hope I look like that after I have kids!"

I cringe at that comment.

I do not look good.

I was unhealthy, starving, and still thought I was fat.

************************************

This was a vacation Nick and I took to the Dominican Republic after he came home from Afghanistan. 

I remember posting photos after our vacation, and not wanting to post this one, because I felt like my stomach was protruding.

Body dysmorphia.

I look at this photo now, and can't believe that I actually thought that. 

I still struggle with body image every once in a while. There are days (like this morning) when I wake up bloated and feeling bad. I don't want to look at myself in the mirror, and just want the day to end. I think that's normal. But I'm at a place where when I start thinking negatively about myself, I can recognize it. I usually do something for "me" on those days. "Treat yo'self".

Here's my very proud "post gym selfie" today. 

I am no longer a "cardio bunny".

I lift weights, and that has been a GAME CHANGER.

I'm really proud of my little trap muscles and my arms. 

I have better calves than my husband (my bad, Nick!).

I don't have a 6 pack or a 4 pack.

In fact, I am pretty sure it is genetically impossible for me.

My little sister had a C-section, and her doctor told her that she didn't have a lot of muscle tissue in her abs.

I'm assuming I share those genes with her (maybe?).

I don't stress about my food. 

I eat clean most days.

I stay away from foods with bad ingredients....

And I enjoy all the wine when I want it (cheers!)

I also have to say that once I started a path to a healthier me, I chose to become baptized that year! My physical health and spiritual health were two things I had to work on simultaneously. I spent my early 20's so angry at God, and blamed Him for everything that had happened to me. It wasn't until I hit that low point that I found myself begging for God's grace. I had to relive and revisit some things that had happened to me in my past in order to heal, but it is the most freeing feeling to just put it all at the feet of Jesus! 

If you're struggling with any of the things I've written about it here, the first advice I have for you is to go see a counselor! There is no shame in that, and talking to a professional is something that really helped me. If you've made it this far into my blog post, I appreciate it. This is pretty vulnerable (even for me), so it means a lot! Hope everyone is having a great week so far, and you can always connect with me on Instagram @SemperAg_blog 

What Happens When You Make Fun of Tom Brady on Facebook

Apparently there were some pretty big NFL games on TV yesterday. I am a pretty big football fan (mostly college), but I do follow the Dallas Cowboys pretty loosely every season. This season, I didn't watch nearly as much NFL football as I normally do. I think it's because I am once again sharing a house with my husband after a year apart. He has no allegiance to any NFL team. He's from Alabama, so they're either Roll Tide or War Eagle down there...basically, the NFL doesn't really exist if you're from Alabama.

Anyway, as any football fan, I have my handful of opinions on certain teams. I do the occasional smack talking on social media, and most of the time it's pretty light hearted. I also have a handful of acquaintances that I know can handle some ruthless, "below the belt" punches in regards to their respective teams. (*Side note*: most of them happen to be Marines).

So those who really know me well can tell you which NFL team I hate the most. If you don't really know me, I'll just fill you in right now...

I hate the Patriots and I dislike Tom Brady. 

People (New England fans) like to chime in and claim that my hatred for the organization is because I am a hater and secretly jealous of all their SB appearances/wins. Let me just set the record straight here. Am I a little envious of all their SB appearances and wins in the last decade? Who isn't? But that's really not the reason. In the 2 1/2 years that we lived in New England, I have never experienced a more rude fanbase than the Patriots'. I was literally afraid to wear my Cowboys baseball cap in public there after a stranger said an extremely rude comment to me at a Target. I dislike Tom Brady, because I think he is dishonest. I also think that he is a sore loser. He only shows good sportsmanship when his team wins. Those are just a few of my reasons for not liking the entire organization as a whole. But isn't that what makes sports fun? We all have strong allegiances to our teams, and we can poke fun at each other. This ain't politics, people....its freaking football.

So last night, after watching highlights and seeing some HORRIBLE calls by refs in both games, I really felt like the Chiefs (and DEFINITELY the Saints) were robbed. BY THE WAY...NOT A CHIEFS OR SAINTS FAN EITHER. As I scrolled through Facebook, I saw that a lot of my friends were not happy with the refs in both games. People who have no allegiance to any of the teams were talking about how unfair the outcome of the game was. I used this as a chance to just talk a little smack about Tom Brady (knowing full well that it would get a rise out of a few Pats fans).

 "Tom Brady kisses his grown son on the mouth...for longer than 5 seconds. Google it."

It was supposed to be funny, and people who know me well have seen my jabs at good ole Tom in the past. I woke up this morning not even thinking of my little "Tom Brady" hater post on my facebook, but apparently, it offended a few people. I was called "salty" by several people, and what really got me was being called a "parent shamer". This "Tom Brady kiss" was an internet sensation. Everyone had an opinion on it. I mean, I watched the clip, and it was an uncomfortably long kiss to watch (for me). However, my intent was not to parent shame anyone. I kiss my kids on the mouth. I was "Tom Brady" shaming. Google "Tom Brady kisses son", and you will see a plethora of articles about this "controversial" kiss. 

Hey Tom, if you're reading, you go on with your bad self and kiss your babies grown children for as long as you want. I was just making fun of you because everyone else does. 

I'm sure people roll their eyes and judge my parenting on a daily basis. Heck, I judge my parenting on a daily basis. I am also not "holier than thou", and judge other people. It is human nature to do so. I do try and make a conscious effort not to, but if I'm being completely open and transparent, I judge the heck out of other parents some most days. Some of it comes from my own insecurities as a mother, and some of it comes from envy. I'm human. I guess this is where my faith plays a big role in how I view others, judge others, and most importantly how God views ME. 

Maybe there was a little "parent shaming" going on in there. It was definitely not my intent. I still dislike Tom Brady, the Patriots, and the Patriots fans that continuously feel the need to say really nasty and rude things to people who do not share in their love of their team. I also am friends with many people who are die hard Patriots fans whom I love, and do not fall into that category with the fan base I mentioned earlier. Chill out people. It was a facebook post. 

Stros, Halloween, and Personal Thoughts.

Work has kept me busy lately. Not just work. Work, kids, volunteer work, and life. And I wouldn't trade it for the world. Over the last 5 years since getting out of a 10 year career, I have learned that I am my "best" self as a working woman. I crave and need purpose outside of raising kids and being a "Marine wife"..and I like working OUTSIDE of my home.

Recently, an acquaintance whom I met through blogging told me they were moving near us. Outside of an occasional FB or IG "like", we had never had a true relationship or conversation. This person always sends our family a Christmas card every year, which made me feel obligated to send one back. We met in person... one time years ago, and that was it. For those who know me...y'all know how much I value a friendship or an acquaintance. Acquaintances are people I friend on social media because I like them. Friends are people that I actually keep in contact with outside of social media...I love them...and cherish them.....and even invest in a plane ticket to go visit every once in a while. Military life has really taught me the difference between friends and acquaintances. I value my acquaintances, because something connected us together albeit high school, boot camp, Marine Corps life.

This person recently contacted me to tell me they were moving in this area because of a job, and told me how glad they were they were moving somewhere they knew someone, and wanted a referral for a realtor. It totally caught me off guard. "Wow, I've barely spoken to you, and NOW you're contacting me... I barely know you outside of social media...". I referred them to a realtor that we love and trust, and left it at that. Then, I was asked if they could use me as an emergency contact for their kids in school. No.

Do not put that responsibility on me. Yeah...the EC never gets used...but in the case that it does...I don't want to be it. I don't know you or your family...I don't know your kids except the ONE time I met them FIVE years ago...and I haven't spoken to you on the phone since the ONE time we met in person. Its awkward.

I feel bad...but I am totally weirded out....

One friend told me I was overreacting...
My other 3 BFFs told me, "that's weird".

Anyways...

First...

GO STROS!!!

Halloween here was rainy...

It didn't stop us from trick or treating though!

Mattis chose to be Batman.

He actually originally chose to be the scary "Heath Ledger Joker".

I told him "NO!", so we compromised on the Dark Knight.

D surprised me, and chose to be Rey from Star Wars!

She has seen Star Wars with Nick.

I've never seen a single Star Wars episode, and fell asleep through the only one I "saw" in theaters with Nick.

So, when she told me she wanted to be Rey, I had to do some research.

It ended up being one of my most favorite costumes!

Fall has been SO busy for us! Between work, the kids' school and activities, volunteer work, and life, I've truly haven't had much down time to think about anything else! Nick is kicking butt! He just qualified on the range as an expert in both pistol and rifle on the range!! whoop~!

I don't have much time to blog like I used to, but I take that as a blessing. Busy is good!

Thanks.

And GIG 'EM!

The Great Wal-Mart Debacle

If you're a frequent visitor of my blog, you'll notice it's a little different! I was ready for a change, and wanted something a little cleaner and more modern for my blog design. I found Kailey Annice Design on a random Etsy search, and she designed this beautiful layout for me! Her prices are SUPER reasonable, and I think she did a pretty fab job on my blog!

Back to what this post is REALLY about. I feel that I need to give y'all a little background beforehand. I hate Wal Mart. There I said it. I hate Wal Mart. I said it again. I have yet to go to a Wal Mart store where I truly have an amazing experience. Yes, shopping is an experience for me. Grocery shopping, clothes shopping, shopping for candles, shopping for sheets....shopping. I appreciate when a store provides outstanding customer service (or as a friend described as "Disney World level customer service"). It will make or break my opinion of the store and opinion of the products the store is selling. I can't tell you how many times I have overpaid for something or bought something that I did not need from a store because of the outstanding customer service (also the way products are displayed make a big impression!).

I hate Wal Mart because I've never had that level of experience shopping there. I understand some people may be saying, "you're seriously expecting 'Disney World level customer service' from Wal Mart?" The answer is yes. I am a consumer that is giving your company MY money. I expect to be treated with respect and provided a pleasant shopping experience. Every Wal Mart I have ever graced (which after living the Marine Corps life for almost 16 years now means I've been to a LOT of Wal Marts) is full of disgruntled employees who don't want to be there, don't want to at least fake it, and aren't very friendly (RUDE). I think this atmosphere bleeds into its customers too, because the customers I encounter at Wal Mart are equally as disgruntled and rude.

Several years ago, Nick's uncle David and his partner Andy came all the way from England to visit us in California. It's become a big inside joke between us about my hate for Wal Mart after a conversation about it that we all had during that time (after consuming some adult beverages). Just recently, they mentioned on Facebook about how it'd be great if I sent them some Hamburger helper from Wal Mart. (Side note: the British love them some Hamburger Helper. I'm not even sure why, but some of the British candy I like is equally frowned upon by actual British people). ANYWAY, to humor them, I went to Wal Mart today to buy them Hamburger Helper. I could have easily gone to HEB (it's closer), but I thought it would be funny. I went live on Facebook to prove I was there. A friend of mine even texted me this:

 So as y'all can tell, people who are close to me know that I prefer not to shop there. Also, I'm sure someone is gonna hate because they feel I am judging people who go to Wal Mart in pajamas. This is a stereotype of Wal Mart shoppers, and I have no regrets about saying it. It's funny! Look, I don't get all dolled up to go to Wal Mart, Target, the grocery store. In fact, you can catch me many times with wet hair thrown up into a bun, athletic shorts, and an old t shirt at the store. But let's be real here, I'm a self conscious person as it is, so you won't catch me in pajamas in public...ever. So if that is your choice of outfit, I say, "go on with your bad self!"

Afterwards, I posted about my experience...

"My Wal mart trip. The size is overwhelming. My cashier gave me an attitude because I asked if their chip reader was set up (how was I supposed to know?! Half the businesses that have them don't use them yet)...I asked an employee (based on the collared shirt with wal mart logo on it) what aisle hamburger helper was since I never buy the stuff...she claimed she didn't know because she doesn't work the floor....she looked less than pleased to help me find someone who could help me... I'm pretty sure I felt her rolling her eyes at me as I walked away after thanking her.

Why are they so unhappy? This is every dang wal mart I've ever been to."

As usual, my yearly trip to Wal Mart was exactly how it has been since I became an adult and had to shop for myself. This little Facebook post went viral. Ok, not VIRAL in the sense that it was shared a gazillion times, and now I will be on Ellen tomorrow. However, it garnered a lot of attention and comments. I didn't realize how many of my friends had friends and family employed by Wal Mart, and it surely was not meant to disrespect their place of work. I did get some insightful comments that I took to heart.

So why I am blogging about this? Because my Wal Mart Facebook post was based on an inside joke with family, and it got out of hand. I'm just going to add that there is a Fortune article that just recently came out saying that Wal Mart is laying off thousands of employees, and focusing on in-store customer service. Just last year, they closed hundreds of stores as well. They claim it is because of competition (sites like Amazon) that is taking over this industry. I find it hard to believe when chains like Target are doing amazingly well. I can't help but think that their customer service is a big reason why they are losing customers and business. It's sad that they're laying people off in order to focus on "in store customer service", but at the same time, their "in store customer service" is the reason why I (as many others) don't shop there. 

I'm not boycotting Wal Mart. I go there once in a blue moon, but each time I go there, I am always reminded on why I don't like it there.

Blogging

It dawned on my yesterday that I have been blogging for almost 8 years now. I started blogging when I was pregnant with Dannika to document my pregnancy, and keep my family and friends in Texas updated on our newlywed life in Southern California. It turned out to be a great little piece of my cyberspace where I could post pictures of my family, brag about "stuff",  and even vent. It's become a place where I've often shared my frustrations and struggles in military life, marriage, and parenting to complete strangers (and friends on family). I'm sometimes more open on my blog than I am to those who are closest to me. Writing my feelings and thoughts down is just easier than having to say it out loud to someone. In fact, I've used it to air my frustrations about Nick TO Nick. I vent on here, and I let him read it. It has saved our marriage hundreds of petty arguments because instead of me getting emotionally charged and saying things I don't mean, I can just write it, rewrite it, edit it, and really take a hard look at it before hitting "publish".

My blog has never meant make any money, nor is there anything I can really make money on. Who wants to pay me to write about my own kids and my own life? lol. I laugh as I write that, because I've always thought my testimony and life story would make a great book/Lifetime movie. I've done a couple little sponsored posts here and there for free, meaningless, and often useless "stuff". I've been paid a few bucks here and there to review something. Most of these posts were when I was in transition from Marine Corps life to Marine Wife life (hey, check it out...I'm a poet and didn't know it!). I was bored, home, and trying to find something to fill all this "extra" time I had all of a sudden. Yes, Marine wife and SAHM life is hard, but being a full-time, active duty Marine was like a billion times harder...I can say that, cause I've done both, right? 

Since moving to Texas and starting college, I've had less free time, and blogging has been on the back burner. I don't know how many times a day, I say to myself, "oh man, I can't wait to blog about this", but never get around to it. I've used Instagram and Facebook as a "not so great" alternative to blogging. But I truly miss consistently sitting down every day to write my thoughts. I don't make New Years Resolutions, because honestly, I'll forget what they are by January 10th (random date), but I hope this year, I'll make more of an effort to find time to blog.

I have also toyed around with the idea of transferring my blog to Wordpress, but seeing as how I am not using this to make money or using it to promote anything, I think I'll stick to blogger. I also am clueless on how to do it, which means I'd have to hire someone, and based on quotes I've looked at, spending 350 dollars to do that is not my priority. People have complained about this platform, but it's been pretty darn good to me for the last 8 years. I am planning on redesigning my blog theme, and by "I", I am going to hire someone to do it. I think I'll keep the name. I still feel like my life as an active duty Marine was still just yesterday, and most days, I still feel like a fish out of water trying to adjust to "Marine wife life". As for "domestic bliss", I am definitely a lot more "domestic"than I was as an active duty Marine. I actually do things like cook a homecooked dinner from scratch (almost) every night, and I no longer hire a cleaning lady to clean my house. GASP...I actually clean my own house (with a tremendous amount of help from Nick, and minimal help from the two little humans I created). I do things like take my kids to the park on a Wednesday at 1:00PM (notice, I did not say 1300). I like my new slightly "domestic" life, and I don't miss my old one. I take that back. I miss the people in my old one. I miss Marines. I miss going into work and hanging out and talking to Marines. I miss being surrounded by so much culture and diversity, and yet sharing the same title and uniform as a group of people. America could learn a thing or two from the Marines....

Anyway, it's a cold day today. I say "cold" in Texas terms because after living in New England for two years, my definition of "cold" is drastically different than those around me here. This cold made me want to blog, and reading back, I did a lot of rambling. Here's to more blogs in 2017!

And because no blog seems quite complete without a photo....

Here's an adorable one of my son!

Election Thoughts and Veteran's Day Weekend

 So...

Since my last blog post, we have a new President-elect....

This is all I have to say (my blog isn't a political blog, so this is it!)....

I have many friends who are deeply saddened by the outcome of the election...most of whom are friends in the minority, LGBT, and muslim communities.

(So you can imagine, mostly friends who did not vote for Trump).

If you did vote for Trump, disregarding their anger, fear, and frustration as being silly and wimpy is just plain rude.

Telling them to "get over it" is self absorbed in a way.

I read on FB today that summed up my feelings about the people saying "get over it"...

"Interestingly, the folks screaming "get over it!" will cry for weeks when their football teams don't make it to the Super Bowl. They're still griping about deflated footballs and whatever other scandals befall their teams"

 Puts it into perspective right?

I don't talk about who I voted for.

People can take educated guesses, but I will never openly say it on social media.

I don't talk about it because it's none of your business, and people are jerks.

I don't even really talk about with some of my closest friends.

All I am saying is, regardless of who you chose to vote for, have some compassion and respect for those who are genuinely upset or feel differently than you.

(I'm also going to add that needing a "day off" from class to mourn and violently protesting the loss of your candidate is absolutely absurd and ridiculous...but feel free to protest peacefully...it's your right.)

On to better, happier things...

Check out my lovely painting I did with watercolor!

If you're an artist, art major, art collector, art teacher, art enthusiast.......DON'T JUDGE! 

I'm actually very proud of myself.

 One of the military wives hosted a social at her house for all the military spouses.

She did a paint and wine night, and it was an absolute blast!

One of my favorite things about military life is getting together with other military spouses to socialize.

We just "get each other" in a way that regular spouses don't understand.

Random photo of Dannika because her outfit was "on fleek"...

Our sweet nanny turned 22 last week, so Mattis and I hooked her up with a donut tower from Shipley's!

 Veteran's day was last Friday, and you can read about why I am the "totally awkward veteran". 

I tend to focus more on our older veterans and particularly our Vietnam veterans. 

I feel like they never got a proper "welcome home", and that they deserve a lifetime of our respect and gratitude.

Yes, I am a veteran, and I am not discounting my service as less than, but if you read my "awkward veteran" post, you'll know why.

Nick and I were asked to do a veteran's day talk for Dannika's second grade.

I think Nick is a great speaker, so I asked him to set it up, and I would talk at the end.

He did a great job teaching the kids the difference between Veterans day and Memorial day, and he set up a GREAT display for all the kids! (see below)

We even got Dannika's teacher involved and dressed her up in a FROG suit...complete with load bearing vest and AMMO!

She looks really comfy, doesn't she?!

Afterwards, our family headed to the Dixie Chicken to participate in their walk for the "Boot Campaign". 

"Boot Campaign is dedicated to promoting patriotism for America and our military community; raising awareness of the unique challenges service members face during and post-service; and providing assistance to military personnel, past and present, and their families. Retail sales of combat boots, apparel and mission-focused merchandise, general public donations and corporate sponsorships fund programs that support military families. These efforts extend to all generations of military personnel who endure significant physical, emotional and circumstantial hardships resulting from their service and sacrifice."

Afterwards, we stuck around so that Nick could dunk his Aggie Ring (more on that later!).

They had live music, and we stuck around to watch Clayton Gardner perform.

Fun fact: I had a class with him last semester!

So the Aggie Ring Drunk tradition is not a university sponsored tradition (and is actually discouraged by the University itself).

However, Aggies are all about their "traditions", and the "Ring Dunk" has become ingrained as tradition.

You can read in detail about it here. 

In a nutshell...

"A student drops their newly-acquired Aggie Ring into a pitcher of beer, chugs the entire pitcher, and then catches the ring in their teeth. This tradition began in the 1970s when a [student] accidentally dropped his ring in his beer and figured chugging what was left in his glass was the best way to get his ring back. Word spread - though unofficially, as the bar (The Dixie Chicken) in which the first dunk took place never advertised - and the tradition was born. It's actually a pretty big deal for some people; parties are thrown in honor of and siblings, parents, and extended family members (especially those who are Aggies themselves) come into town to witness ring dunks"

Nick, being the traditional Aggie that he is needed to do it at the famous Dixie Chicken where it all started.

 Many students today choose to do it at other places, but it all began here...

Our sweet friend (whom our daughter and her daughter are BFFs) owns the chicken, and being the amazing and gracious friend and host that she is...she hooked Nick up with his own Dixie Chicken pitcher to dunk his ring in.

Typically, students let their beer sit out for days to let it go flat before dunking their ring.

Then they dunk their ring at room temperature.

I guess this makes it go down easier?

YUCK!

Nick did his straight out of the tap...cold Bud Light....

He did it in 1 minute and 6 seconds!

Congrats Nick!

You're official!

Afterwards, Dannika and her best friend came over to have a sleepover.

Saturday was the military appreciation game at A&M.

We played Ole Miss and suffered a devastating loss.

But our kids had a blast...and at the end of the day...it is just football.

Nick was in uniform for the game because he was part of the flag unfurling ceremony at Kyle Field.
I won't go into detail about why I was not part of it (politics....that did not have to do with me being a woman veteran because several people asked me that)...but I am over it..

The Fightin' Texas Aggie Band!

Despite the loss, our family had a wonderful time at the game. 

One of my favorite things to do is feeding people.

Seriously!

I love cooking for people.

I invited two sweet Aggie girls I am interning with this semester and a midshipman in the Aggie Corps of Cadets for dinner on Sunday.

We sat around the dinner table until 930 just talking and telling stories.

I truly love the energy, passion, and insight these young people bring.

People my age and older always seem to be complaining about "those millenials", but none of them ever really sit down to get to know them.

As a 32 year old undergrad, I have the unique perspective of observing the younger people of my generation and being "withing their population" (some call me a millenial, some call me the last of generation X).

Yeah...some of these young kids annoy me like no other (but people my age annoy me like no other too).

But our young people have a fire and a lot to say!
If you're one complaining about millenials...you haven't truly met a "real Millenial". 

These girls have so much knowledge and passion to offer the world.

They're going to be world changers.

I am proud to know that they are our future. 

 So there you have it! 

If you made it this far in my blog, thanks!

If you skimmed through it, and are reading this....I am not your friend any more (kidding).

Have a fabulous week, y'all!

When Your Husband is Awesome, and Everyone Takes It For Granted

Fall semester here in Aggieland...

It's October 29, and it was 90 degrees at one point today...(not relevant, but I thought I'd just add it).

We have seven Aggie HOME football games this season...

That is seven tailgates...

Seven tailgates that Nick is in charge of setting up and breaking down this semester because he is the President of the Semper Fi Society (not even by choice...but by nomination).

He goes out to Spence Park (where our tailgate is) before everyone else, every home game, and he is always one of the last to leave AFTER every game to break it down.

There is the same group of 6-8 cadets (midshipmen) who ALWAYS help him.

I have gone out to Spence Park a few times on Friday afternoons when people go out to "stake their tailgates".

Nick is the ONLY Marine there most of the time (there's a few that show up "when convenient" to help), along with the same 6-8 midshipmen.

There are six other Marine MECEP'ers in the program....

Even last football season, when another Marine was in charge of all the tailgates, Nick volunteered to take over one of the tailgates from beginning to start.

He set up, BBQ'ed, broke down...

He was praised by everyone that it was one of the best tailgates of the season.

No one has done that for him this semester.

It makes me glad that I am no longer in the Marine Corps, because it is this sort of BS that I don't miss.

We are all one big happy family...oorah..semper fi...we don't leave a Marine behind...but when it comes to things outside of combat or mission...Marines have no problem leaving a Marine behind.....

The price we have to pay for a Marine who gives 200% to everything he does, and always goes out of his way to do the things that no one else wants to do is...

Our time as family suffers.

I've been "ok" at being a super supportive wife to Nick in all his career endeavors.

I can't say I've been totally happy all the time and haven't complained (I complain...hard as it may be to believe).

We are both full time students raising two kids...

We are both involved in our daughter's school...

We have lives outside of school and football...

The excuse that "I'm busy because of my kids" from most of the Marines in the same program as Nick is moot because WE ARE BUSY TOO.

We are busy because of our kids.

And because of our busy schedules...

Our friends have been neglected...

Our marriage has been neglected...

Our kids have been neglected (at times)...(don't be calling CPS...our kids are well fed, clothed, bathed, and thriving)

The man I married does EVERYTHING for EVERYONE with no complaints.

So I am complaining for him today because he is a better human being than me and would never complain.

I keep saying that his work ethic and willing to step up when no one else "volunteers" is going to pay off big time.

And it has.

Anyone else know a Marine who was selected for Gunny in a slow promoting MOS at 9 years time in service?

I sure as hell don't (unless you are on special duty).

  But I'm complaining for him today.

Today, we are playing New Mexico State.

It is not a big game, and we always know that it's a game no one cares about because we always get a crap load of free tickets that are "generously donated to student veterans".

We got donated a bunch of tickets this game.

Ask us how many tickets were donated to the veterans for the Tennessee game or UCLA game?

ZERO.

That's not even an issue though.

As a veteran, I'm used to getting everyone's "leftovers" when they're trying to be nice and generous.

I guess I'm just upset today and needed to vent on my little space in cyberspace...

I didn't get to tailgate or attend the game today because I have two really tough tests next week that I need to study for.

Priorities, right?

I really needed a good 4 hours to study, and I wanted to enjoy my Saturday with my husband after studying watching the game in our air conditioned home that we bought and drink our own beers.

But I didn't get that because he had to go set up his tailgate...and we won't get to enjoy our evening because he will have to drive back to A&M when the game is over (at like 11PM!!!!!!!!!!) to break the tailgate down.

We have missed more church this fall that I care to admit because after an entire day of tailgating and attending a football game...we literally can not get up in the morning to go to church.

I guess I'm just disgruntled today...for Nick.

He does so much for little to no recognition.

I guess in true Marine fashion...that is the epitome of a great leader.

I just wanted him to get to enjoy a tailgate this season without having to stress out about breaking it down and setting it up. 

But we've been married for almost nine years now, and I should be used to this because it is literally the "story of our life".

But I'm not..

The price you pay for marrying such a stud and stellar Marine.... :)

 Here are some happy pics from this weekend that make me feel "not so disgruntled"...

We went to a "pumpkin patch" on Friday so the kids could pick out their pumpkins to carve this weekend.

I did early voting last week!

This election is a mess, but I have too many friends who gave their lives fighting for our country and Nick and I have spent too many times in crappy places around the world to NOT exercise our right to vote.

So I did!

 Anyone else think this giant bow is ridiculous?!?!

I don't!

Everything's bigger in Texas...even our bows!

And here I am...

Studying...

But hey...wearing maroon!

 

Quick Thoughts

Dannika has some viral thing going around her school, so shes been home for two days now.

Those who know me hate when my routine is broken, and her being sick has put a wrench in it.

(I am a creature of habit, routines, and schedules...blame it all on the Marine Corps)

Those who know me know that if I miss a workout, I get extremely irritable, cranky, and unpleasant.

I didn't get to go to the gym today because Dannika is sick.

Then I remembered a friend of mine (who is an athlete) post on Facebook a while ago about how hard it was for him to take a "rest day" from working out.

I remember him saying how he literally had to fight the urge to go to the gym (guilty!).

But he wrote about how as an athlete, rest days are imperative in order to get stronger, faster, better.

Remembering that Facebook post from a while back help me find my center, and relax a little about missing ONE day. 

(breathe...it's gonna be ok)

It also made me realize how much I rely on the gym for my day to anxiety, stress, and overall well-being.

While the gym can be a great thing, it can also control you.

This is not something that I like about myself.

I sometimes plan my entire day around my gym time....not good.

Today reminded me that I need to rely more on God for things like my anxiety, stress, and overall well-being, and allow my gym time to be a supplement to that.

Dannika is missing picture day today, and I think I am more sad about that than she is.

I love cheesy school photos.

I'm pretty sure they'll do a make-up day.

Other than that, life is just peachy!

Our Marine Corps ball is this weekend, and I am really excited for it!

Happy Thursday, y'all!

 

Bakes Cookies and "Stuff"

Someone posted this on Facebook the other day, and I literally laughed out loud.

If you have followed my blog for a while now, y'all have all followed my journey from transitioning from being a working mom, to a stay-at-home mom, to a mom in college....

Y'all have also gotten to follow my journey from being an active duty Marine for 10 years to being a veteran/civilian.

Those were NOT easy transitions!

If you've got some time on your hands, and you're bored, you can read about my transitions here, here, here, and here.

(There's many many more posts on my transitional periods of life, but those are just a few)

When I look back and read those posts, I was all over the place emotionally.

Some days I was on top of the world, and SO glad to be at home.
Other days, I was depressed about not having a purpose outside of the home anymore. 

Transitioning out of the military is tough, and there are whole studies dedicated to military to civilian transitioning.

They make us go to classes before we get out of the military to help us have a "smooth" transition into civilian life (which is rarely the case, by the way). 

It's why there are websites called "dysfunctional veterans" and "Uncle Sam's Misguided Children" (websites I do not support, but that's a whole another topic).

But the titles of those websites are a direct reflection of how veterans feel when they get "thrown to the wolves".

I always pictured myself as a stay at home mom that "bakes cookies and shit"....haha.

I'm not gonna lie, it was a lot of fun for a while. 

But something I learned about myself during that time in my life is that I need something more for myself outside of the home.

Some people find complete and total fulfillment in that life, but I didn't.

I guess it should have been expected considering I spent ten years of my life (the majority of those ten years) as a single, independent woman making my own money and making things happen. 

I commented on my friend's post (of that photo above):

"I couldn't wait to get out of the Marine Corps so I could be a sahm and bake cookies and shit...here I am in school full time...if that means anything to you. Lmao."

 I love my kiddos with every ounce of my human being, and I know that my calling in life is to be working, in school...just doing SOMETHING outside of the home.

That's the best version of me, and my kids deserve the best version of me for them to look up to.