The Month of the Military Child

Gosh, it's been a hot minute. Every time I make a bold claim that "I WILL keep up with this blog", I fail miserably. The truth is, I Instastory my life so much, that I find myself not being as inspired to blog. I have yet to switch my blog to Wordpress (like I have been saying for MONTHS), and who knows if that will ever happen. But anyway...

I shall grace you with my rambling today...

Since April is the "Month of the Military Child", I thought I'd share some things about my own two children and how awesome they are.

If you're a longtime follower of my Instagram/blog, I don't have to repeat my life to you. But if you're new, I'll give you the "Barney style" rundown. I am a former Marine of 10 years, married to a current active duty Marine (who will hit 18 years of service this July), and mom to 2 pretty fantastic military "brats". If you're really curious to know the whole back story of how my husband and I ended up together...just click here. You can read all about our whirlwind elopement in fabulous Las Vegas.

Back to my 2 fantastic military "brats". I have a love/hate relationship with the term "military brat". When used in the right context, it can be endearing.

Who wants to be called that anyway?! I have said this a gazillion times that military children should be the most respected members of a military family. Why? Because my husband and I CHOSE to serve. I CHOSE to marry my active duty husband. My children had NO CHOICE. They were born into our family, and forced to live this life. Not that children ever get a choice in the circumstances they are born into, but that's a whole another blog post for another person to write about. 

As parents, we have tried our best to give our kids the most "normal" life with the best opportunities we can provide. My children are involved in sports, music, activities, playdates...all the things that "regular kids" do. We make holidays special, and celebrate everything and anything that is a reason to celebrate! From that viewpoint, we are a pretty normal, All-American family!

Of course, circumstances due to the fabulous "Uncle Sam" will throw "normal" out the window in a heartbeat. My 9 year old daughter has been in 5 schools in 4 states...again...she's NINE. My 5 year old son has been in 3 schools in 2 states in his short lifetime. We tried to do the math once, and roughly figured out that both of our children have lived more of their life with their father deployed to combat or gone for training than with him under one roof. These kids are resilient.

My children have certainly "bloomed where they have been planted". Of course, we always go through an adjustment period, and I'm not saying it's always been easy. If anything, it's been rough. Our move here to Arizona from Texas was by far one of the toughest moves we have done yet. My oldest had deep seated roots in Texas with a group of friends that were thick as thieves. I think I shed more tears leaving Texas than any other duty station....not because I was sad, but because I felt like we were literally ripping our daughter away from an amazing life and group of friends. My son had just started Kindergarten in Texas, and after only 6 weeks (when he was finally getting adjusted), we moved and put him in a new Kindergarten class...in a new school...in a new state. Being 5, and being the "new kid" is tough, and I admire little Mattis for his courage and tenacity.

We have been in Yuma for roughly 7 months now, and it finally feels like home.

Our kids have settled into their new schools and have made friends. Most importantly, they get to live under the same roof as their dad, and that is a blessing. The things that most "regular kids" find so normal are things that my kids cherish. I wish you could hear the squeals of excitement when my husband has time to drive them to school in the mornings, or see the excitement on my son's face when he sees his dad on the sideline at his soccer game (cheering him on like a fool). The smallest things are the biggest things to a military kid.

They deserve a month to be dedicated to them. There is a generation of military kids growing up with a parent (or both parents) who have served in a wartime military for 18 years. I truly believe that these kids are going to change the world with the worldliness and experience in this oftentimes, uncertain life.

Just a Quick Separation

Our family got a whole 3 1/2 months together as a family before the Marine Corps decided "enough family time for y'all". Nick left today for a training exercise in 29 Palms (up in the desert of Cali) for about 6 weeks. But, I'm always a "silver lining" type of girl, and 3 1/2 months together as a family is the longest that we have all been together under one roof in over a year! I am grateful for that! For those who are new to my blog, Nick is an active duty Marine. Up until last October, our family lived apart from him for a year while he completed various schools and training on the east coast. 

No matter how many times we do this though, it still sucks. But here's the funny thing, it doesn't suck the day he leaves. It sucks the day before he leaves. I think it's the anticipation leading up to "the big departure" that makes it suck so bad. We are all trying to squeeze in as much quality time as possible right up until the very last minute, and it can be emotionally taxing. I actually hate it when Nick lingers around the house the day he is supposed to leave. I'm like, "just leave already!". 

These days, with iPhones and social media, separations are a lot easier than just 10 years ago. It was 2010 when Nick went on his first deployment to Afghanistan away from 6 month old Dannika and me. Even then, smart phones weren't really a thing (I think I had a Blackberry???), and the Skype connection was sketchy at best. I am grateful that we have more effective ways of communicating today. 

I am a big girl, and gone are the days of me crying myself to sleep in my pillow the day Nick leaves for anything Marine Corps related (yes, I used to do that). I think after being married to him for 10 1/2 years, I have just become a "seasoned" military spouse, and have gotten used to doing things alone without my partner. I actually look forward to the quiet evenings alone. I am 10 times more productive when Nick is gone, so I look forward to checking things off my list and getting into a good routine. But it doesn't mean that it doesn't suck for my kids...especially my youngest. Today, Mattis celebrated Martin Luther King Jr's birthday at his school. Each kid made little hats with their very own "I have a dream" statement. Mattis' said, 

"I have a dream to have my family live together." 

I cried. A boy needs his father, and this sentiment has never been more apparent to me than in this past year trying to raise Mattis without Nick. To all the single moms raising little boys, I raise my glass to you. It's hard. 

I always say that Nick's wife is the Marine Corps, and I am his mistress. I wonder if his wife is mad that he is paying his mistress' bills, and paying her child support 😆. Gotta keep a sense of humor in this oftentimes uncertain life. 

And I always send Nick a selfie the day he leaves so he doesn't forget the "snack" he has at home 😂

Mattis and I just returned from a wedding in San Antonio last weekend, so I'll be blogging about that soon! Y'all can always follow me in IG: @SemperAg_blog . I post the most random things.

3 Tips on Making Solo Parenting Doable

It's officially September, and in 8 days, our family will be whole again! By the time Nick comes home, we will have officially lived separately for 354 very long days. Looking back on the last year, I truly appreciate the sacrifice that Nick made when he agreed to the decision to go on with his training without his family with him. I'm not saying that it was easy for me (or my children), but it was definitely harder for Nick. I know boredom, and missing out on our lives for past year has really been rough for Nick. It's been tough on our kids to not have their dad around every day too. I pray that one day, they can look back at this year we got to spend in good ole College Station, and truly appreciate the extra time we got to spend here.

Over the last year, I've really had to readjust my life to parenting "solo". I never use the word "single parent" in my case, because I'm not a "single parent". I have a loving and supportive partner who more than provides for our family financially and emotionally. There is no child support or child custody arrangement involved (which many single parents deal with). Before Nick left, I was used to having a lot of help with our kids. Nick does A LOT for me around the home when he can. He cooks, does dishes, cleans the house, bathes the kids, gets them ready for bed, and always remembers to pour me a glass of wine. It was also nice to have another person to share carpool duties with. On days I had a lot going on, just having Nick to pick up D from gymnastics, and grab Mattis from school was so helpful. When Nick left, I had to figure life out alone, and there was definitely an adjustment period.

I thought I'd give y'all 3 tips on how I "solo parent" to make my life a little less stressful. These things really help me to "sail my ship smoothly"!

1. Structure. I'm a former Marine (of 10 years), and married to a still active duty Marine who just happens to be a former drill instructor. We love structure in our lives! No, we don't run our home like a boot camp, but there is definitely a lot of structure. When Nick is gone, I go into overdrive when it comes to structure. I schedule everything in our home down to the last minute.

For example, in the mornings, I am up at 5am no matter what. I need that extra hour before my kids get up for some "me" time. I throw on my favorite podcast (will blog about that soon) while I pack my kids' lunches, write them notes, get dressed, and go through their folders to see if I need to sign anything. This takes about 20-25 mins. I spend the last 30 minutes of my morning alone reading a devotional. My kids are up by 5:50am (it gives them 10 minutes to get up out of bed), and by 6:20, they've had their breakfast. They know if they're not done by 6:20, mama isn't happy, and I'm not messing around. I don't let them watch TV while eating breakfast or have screen time (because that distracts them). Their sole purpose in life is to eat. By 6:35, they've brushed their teeth and gotten dressed. I brush their hair, pack their backpacks, and make sure they're ready. This gives us a good 30 minutes to relax before we need to be out the door. I let them watch a TV show, or play a game on their tablet. Our mornings are stress free and calmer because we are not rushing to get out the door to make it to school on time. No one is yelling to "Put your shoes on!" or "Where are your socks?!?" or whatever other phrase I have oftentimes yelled at my kids when we are rushing to get out the door. 

Out the door with plenty of time to take photos on our way to school!

Because I am doing this alone, having this structure keeps us all on task, and it helps me keep my sanity in tact. I don't have Nick here to help me with the load, so having a tight schedule really helps me make sure everything that needs to be done, gets done!

2. Me Time. I can't tell you how much I used to love days when I'd tell Nick, "you got the kids for a few hours. I just want to roam around Target." Being a solo parent gives you less alone time. The first few months Nick was gone, I realized I was starting to go a little crazy. One particular day, my kids were being the complete opposite of the angels that I knew them to be (hahahaha!), and I had lost my cool...like screaming at my kids like a crazy banshee. I sat on the floor of my closet with the doors shut, in the dark, with a glass of wine, and cried sobbed. I realized that I hadn't done anything for myself since Nick had left. I booked a baby sitter, texted all my friends, and planned a girls night. I try to make a genuine effort to hire a sitter, and go out with my friends for dinner every once in a while.

Me and my friends on our last "girls night out".

Also, I go the gym every. single. day. I don't skip days. Some days, I go twice a day. But that time in the gym is my favorite time of the day. It's where I do my thinking, and just let all my frustrations out.

This is my gym fam. They really are like family! 

3. Pray. You know that 30 minutes I have to myself in the early mornings?  I read a devotional, and I pray. It really sets the tone for my day, and having some one on one time with God gives me a lot of peace. I often get stressed and anxious about everything that I need to do alone with my kids for the day. It's nice to get the reassurance from God that "I'm going to be ok", because He's handling it for me. I don't believe in that phrase, "God will never give you more than you can handle." That is lie. This past year has been WAY more than I could handle. However, through prayer and through His grace and mercy (lots of mercy), I have figured out how to handle this life that I've been chosen to live. I have fallen apart multiple times throughout this past year, and have questioned my life choices (more than once). Every time, God has found a way to show me that "this too shall pass".

There a several other ways that I have found to make solo parenting doable for me. I'll continue to write about it as I think about them. Everyone knows that I am a hot mess, so if I can do this, anyone can. It's just a matter of finding YOUR balance, and what works best for your family!

Just Another Marine Family Holiday...

Looking back at the last several months, blogging has truly taken a "back seat" in my life. I love blogging, and I really do wish I had a little more time to do it! Between both kids being in school, gymnastics, homework, work, volunteering, my gym time, and Nick being gone, life has been quite hectic! I loved seeing everyone's Thanksgiving posts on social media, and for those who wrote about what they were thankful for, I enjoyed reading those as well! Our Thanksgiving was pretty dang awesome! Nick flew in on Thanksgiving morning, and stayed until Sunday morning. The weekend flew by, and felt entirely too short, but we were thankful to have that bit of time with him. Short visits like this past weekend toy with my emotions so much. I get this initial sense of relief and excitement followed by immediate sadness.

We spent Thanksgiving day with my family in Houston and enjoyed our traditional "Korean American" Thanksgiving. We do a huge "fusion" of Korean BBQ, Korean food, as well as the big turkey with all the sides. It really is as awesome as it sounds. After Thanksgiving, our family came back home to CS, and just chilled all weekend. Nick pulled the Christmas decorations down from the attic for me and hung Christmas lights outside. With Nick gone, I wasn't really in the mood to put a tree up and decorate like I normally do, but he insisted that I decorate. I know I am not the only military wife that doesn't do festive or decorate when spouses are away! It just doesn't feel right sometimes. I'm glad he made me though, because it does make my house feel more like a home (even with my better half missing).  I cooked a meal for him, and we really just enjoyed our time together as a family. It was perfect.

So, I think it is time I change the name of my blog. "Domesticated Combat Boots" fit me when I first got out of the Marine Corps. I hung up my uniforms and put away my combat boots to be a stay at home mom with Dannika. It was fitting for me in that season of my life. That was five years ago. Five years ago was also the day that my contract officially ended with the Marine Corps. As a Marine wife, mother of two, Marine veteran, and working girl...the word "domestic" doesn't quite fit me. Suggestions welcome.

Here are some pics from our weekend together as a family of 4! If you follow me on IG, you've most likely seen all of these.

Nick came in early Thanksgiving morning to Houston!

We were SO excited! 

9 long weeks without seeing him!

When your "baby" cousin shows up to Thanksgiving in her 5 series BMW...

From L to R: My cousin Mark and his NEW FIANCÉ Lisa, cousin Tiffany and her longtime boyfriend Nathan, the glorious me with my Gig 'em thumb, and my handsome hubs,

My Uncle Mike and Mattis.

My grandpa and Mattis (throwing up a "gig 'em"...of course)

We babysat my friend's sweet dog last weekend as well!!!

Sweet Gracie was the BEST houseguest ever!

She helped me wrap gifts...

Me and my guy

This is one of two trees in my house. 

We have a family tree that our whole family gets to decorate, and a "mama tree".

The "mama tree" is one that I get to decorate all on my own with my own ornaments with no help from anyone.

The day that Nick left was the saddest...

After an amazing week together as a complete family, having to send him back to Uncle Sam sucked.

Mattis and Nick's bow (he decided to take his bow to go hunting on weekends we wasn't busy)

We have done this a million times (it feels like).

It never gets easier though.

In fact, it gets harder as our children get older.

My sweet Dannika has gone thorough more separations from her father than any child should have to go through...

But as she's gotten older, it's gotten tougher for her tender heart.

She is a daddy's girl, and watching her say her tearful goodbye to Nick broke my heart.

We are almost at the end of our first week since Nick left, and we are back in the swing of things.

The kids and I are back into a routine again, and we anxiously waiting for Christmas when we can see Nick again.

I hope y'all had a wonderful Thanksgiving, and I pray that all of you have a great holiday season.

Much love from me...

What? Solo Parenting?

Is tomorrow really already Friday?

My last blog post was Sunday?

Man, I have been majorly slacking on this blog.

I just can't help it that I am having too much fun with our new life here in Texas...lol.

For real, though...

Nick left for England today for a week to pay his final respects to his mum. 

The tickets were insanely expensive so I didn't get to go.

On top of the fact that we have two kids (one in school).

I totally forgot what it's like to be a "solo parent".

Since moving to Texas, Nick has been home all day, every day with the exception of two hours on Tuesday nights for lab, and two hours on Thursday mornings for PT.

He doesn't start school till Spring, so we've been living the "temporary retired life" as I like to call it.

As soon as I dropped him off at the airport this morning, it felt SO weird to know that it would just be me for the next week.

And today was straight. up. exhausting.

I really did forget how much work it is raising kids alone without any help.

Today got me thinking, "how the hell did you do this for 7 months at a time...a month at a time....3 months at a time...?!?!"

I'm baffled, and a little embarrassed to admit that this little week Nick is going to be gone seems like forever to me. 

I'm being dramatic....I know it...and I just admitted it to y'all.

Just revoke my "badass military wife" card...I don't deserve it...lol

Oh, and you know, of course the day Nick leaves, both kids had doctors appointments, and our son needed FIVE shots....

I'm pretty sure he hates me.

The nurse had me hold him down while she shoved 5 needles into his pudgy little thighs.

Of course while he was screaming bloody murder, it freaked Dannika out, and she stood back in the corner screaming too while closing her eyes and ears....

Then she had to get a shot...that she was NOT gonna let happen....

Seriously...I'm convinced both my kids have PTSD from today's experience.

After dropping Nick off at the airport, I took the kids to get kolaches for breakfast to "butter them up" a little, so they would be in good moods on our way to the doctors office. If you're not a Texan, and don't know what a kolache is....you're seriously missing out on a delicious pillowy bread of goodness.....

This is a photo BEFORE the shots...obviously...

Let's just destroy the pediatrician's office while we're at it...

After the whole "shot ordeal", little man was pretty lethargic, so I skipped the gym, and took him on a nice relaxing 5 mile run in the jogging stroller.

Of course after his nap, he was back to his normal self and causing trouble.

His favorite spot on our cul de sac. He just sits on the curb and chills.

Dannika had gymnastics after school today, and that in itself is exhausting for me.

I have to keep a very active 16 month old entertained for an entire hour while big sister is in class....it's exhausting.

And of course, Dannika's school had a fundraiser tonight right after gymnastics at the dreaded Chuck E. Cheese. 

I survived Chuck E. Cheese.....

I hope her school does their next fundraiser at a day spa or something......and offers childcare.

I'd pay for that.

I hope everyone had an amazing week. 

We're just a few short weeks from Christmas!!!

American Girl

At the end of every week that Nick was gone, Dannika got to have a little "treat" for making it through the week and being a big helper to mommy.

She had everything from going to get ice cream to Target dollar spot shopping sprees.

It gave her something to look forward to at the end of every week, and it seemed to help time pass for her.

I knew for the last week, I wanted to do something really special for her.

She had recently been inquiring about an "American Girl doll".

Our local mall has a HUGE American Girl store, complete with doll hair salon and bistro (seriously, I'm not joking about a hair salon FOR YOUR DOLL).

Every time we pass by it, I can see Dannika eyeballing all the pretty dolls with their fancy clothes, cars, accessories, etc. etc. etc. 

We went in there once just to look around, and Nick's mouth dropped when he saw the price of the doll.

His exact words were, "I would never spend that much money on a doll!"

We walked out, and never really though twice about it.

Well, guess what?

This guy just bought his princess her very first American Girl doll.

While he was at OCS, we had already made the decision together that we would get her one at the end of the 10 weeks for being so awesome.

She deserved it, and Nick did not even think twice about shelling out the cash for it.

She has been anticipating this day for WEEKS, so to throw her off, we went to the mall today and told her that we could not afford the doll anymore.

She was disappointed, but being the amazing little girl that she is, she didn't throw a fit.

We're so mean....

So when we walked into the store, her immediate reaction was, "We're just here to look, right?"

Seriously...does a child get more amazing than her?!?!

We told her that she could pick any doll she wanted in the store, and her face lit up like Christmas morning.

The store is HUGE, and a little overwhelming, so she had some help picking out the perfect doll.

The employee at the store helped her pick out one that looked like her.

She named her Rosie, and she walked out of the store carrying her.

Seeing how happy she was, and the excitement she had for her new doll was worth every penny.

She was such a rockstar this summer (and the last 2 summers) while daddy was away, and I couldn't have asked for a better sidekick to help the lonely days pass.

 Thank God that she'll have some consistency the next few years with daddy being in school!

No more deployments or separations for a while!!!!!

 

OCS Graduation Day!

Friday was graduation day for Nick.

The OCS graduation days are held on the parade deck at Brown Field on Quantico.

Usually, August graduations are pretty miserable for the families because it gets so hot and so humid.

I remember Nick telling me the last two summers about how awful graduations were when he was a Sgt Instructor.

The heat, the humidity...everyone was just miserable.

Lucky for us, the weather was absolutely gorgeous.

It was mild and slightly sunny.

I couldn't have asked for a nicer day.

She was so excited to see her daddy in the "parade"

So there's Nick...front and center of his platoon!

He was the platoon commander for his platoon for graduation.

The ceremony overall was nice. 

When you've seen one, you've seen 'em all.

It was pretty similar to a regular recruit training graduation.

Nick's old CO from 5/11 is currently stationed at Quantico, and he came out to see Nick.

From L to R: Nick's MSgt from 2/11 (retired), Nick, Nick's old 5/11 CO, and Nick's fellow drill instructor from MCRD San Diego (who is a Sgt Instructor this summer at OCS)

I received more compliments on my shoes than I did congrats for Nick...lol.

So, for those who want to know, they are Michael Kors from Nordstrom.

Nick and his Sgt Instructor, GySgt Williams.

Mattis was the only baby that decided to make a ruckus during graduation.

Thank God he fell asleep halfway through it.

After graduation, we had a few hours before our evening flight back home.

We decided to drive down to D.C. and visit Nick's buddy, Vince at Arlington National cemetery.

For those who don't follow my blog, my son's middle name is after Vince, so it was important to us that he get to meet "Uncle Vince" for the first time.

It truly was a surreal moment.

 I sat there and watched a few other families visiting their loved ones. 

They looked somber as they sat there while Dannika frolicked amongst the heroes buried there while Mattis curiously explored Vince's headstone. 

I couldn't help but think how beautiful it was that children can find such happiness and peace in a place where families and friends lay their heroes down in their final resting place.

 I know Vince loved kids, and there's no other way that he'd rather have my children come visit him...cheerful, happy, full of life and curiosity.

I can't wait for the day when my son will be able to truly understand what an amazing man Vince was.

I can only pray that my son will grow up and honor the name that he holds.

We drove around DC and did some sightseeing.

It was a long day, and by the end of it, we were SO ready to be home!

We are totally enjoying life with daddy back home, and loving every minute of it!