Nick leaves today for some training/schooling for 2 months.
It's my first time being alone with both kids, and it terrifies me.
He's not gone for THAT long, but it's long enough for me to hate it.
Being alone with Dannika when he deployed or left for training didn't bother me (as much) because for the majority of the day, I dropped her off at daycare and went to work.
Having to take over parental responsibilities and duties 24/7 alone scares me.
The fact that I don't get a "break" while he's gone this time is scary.
There is no daycare that I can drop my kids off at.
There is no adult job that I go to everyday to regain some of my sanity.
I'm really a stay at home mom now, and that reality is scary.
Look, I realize there are women in far worse situations than I'm in right now.
I have friends I know personally who have done these separations in the military with 3, 4, and 5 kids.
I have friends who have husbands who are deployed and in combat.
I realize this.
I miss my network of military spouses.
I feel like this complaining and whining I am doing would be well received with a wine night in our PJ's and free babysitting.
Complete with a night of complaining and whining about how much this life can suck sometimes with no judgment passed.
I don't have that here.
The other day, one of my friends asked me why I couldn't just go with Nick.
She oftentimes went with her husband when he went on extended business trips, and she didn't get why I couldn't just go with him.
I didn't even bother explaining the long explanation of how the military works.
I wasn't in the mood to answer all the "whys" and "how comes".
I just told her it was because Dannika is in school.
So, here I go on an adventure.
That's what I'll call it...an adventure.
My daughter will probably watch A LOT more TV than usual, and I hope the snow stays put for a while.
And of course, some pics of my crazy (but beautiful) life.
We finally got little man to the ER two nights ago.
He tested negative for pneumonia, and he still just had a bad case of RSV.
And he was all smiles yesterday!
We had ridiculously freezing temperatures yesterday, but after being couped up in the house for a week being sick, we ALL needed to get out.
Since the kids' fevers were under control, I bundled them up, and took them out and about with the hubby while he ran errands.
Deep breaths - you are a tough cookie and you can handle it. I know you can. If you want to meet up at some point over the 2 months, maybe we can do that. I am not exactly sure where you are, but I think you're somewhere in the range of an hour away from me, so we can figure it out.
ReplyDeleteOne day ... one hour ... one MOMENT at a time, Mama! Since Dannika has school, I'm sure that little bit of time will feel like a bit of a break, at least from two to one child. Do the bare minimum as far as housework is concerned, if it calls for it. Or make it a game where D can help out! {But I totally know what you mean about not having the same kind of network around -- I was like that for the last 2 years of M's time in. I lived 2 hours from base, and even though it was near another military base, AF and USMC are completely different I got weird questions ALL THE TIME!}
ReplyDeleteTake it one day at a time! I remember these same feelings the first time I was left alone with my 3 and my husband was in another country for training. It sucks to not have an outlet. If I was even in the realm of being close to you we would have a girl/kid night. Haha! You can totally get through this, you're a great mom!! I hope this time goes by quickly!!
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