Baby Blues

I give major kudos to stay at home moms with more than one kid under the age of 3. 

I have a pretty independent and self sufficient 4 year old and a newborn, and I still feel overwhelmed on most days.

I can't imagine chasing a toddler around AND caring for a newborn at the same time.

Twins?

I would probably end up in a mental hospital.

This week can be summed up in two photos...

 Cranky baby that wants me to feed him every hour...hour and a half. 

I can't imagine doing this without my trusty Keurig.

I've mentioned before that with my firstborn, I got the baby blues really bad.

When the baby blues never went away, I sought treatment, and was diagnosed with post partum depression.

I never had thoughts of harming my baby.

I just didn't want to have much to do with her.

I felt like a prisoner to this tiny little human, and I never wanted to leave my house. 

I fed her and changed her out of necessity, and I had a hard time bonding with her. 

From the outside looking in (and based on my Facebook page), my life probably looked perfect.

I had a beautiful little girl that I dressed up like my doll in a million adorable outfits that were neatly accessorized with giant flowers and bows adorned on her sweet bald head.

But on the inside, I was struggling, and I put my husband through hell during that time.

Did I mention that in the midst of all this emotional chaos, my husband deployed to Afghanistan?!

Let me also add some more salt to that wound and add that I was on recruiting duty.

(If you've ever known anyone on recruiting duty, you can imagine what I was going through)

That probably didn't help my situation any. 

There is a happy ending to this story though.

I got treated for my PPD, my husband made it home safely from Afghanistan, and the experiences that I've had with my daughter are ones that I wouldn't trade for the world. 

These are some of my favorite "mommy and me" photos taken during my husband's deployment.

Yesterday was the toughest day so far.

I started feeling overwhelmed, stressed, and inadequate.

The baby was cranky and fussy all day.

My 4yo had gymnastics, and I forgot to bring the diaper bag with us.

I spent an hour at the gymnastics class hoping and praying that baby wouldn't wake up (in which he did).

I spent the last 30 minutes of her hour long class trying to calm down my hysterical newborn.

I tried to nurse him, but he did not enjoy the nursing cover which made him even fussier.

*Seriously...nursing out and about is the hardest thing for me! I just don't feel comfortable nursing in public!*

It didn't help that my hubby worked late yesterday. 

It was one of those days that when he got home, the baby and the 4 yo was passed off to him like a football, and I just wanted to hang up my "mama pants" for a little bit. 

And of course, as soon as daddy comes home, baby becomes an angel (the total opposite of the first photos you saw on this post).

Thank God I have an amazing husband who was more than willing to take over after working a long day, and give me some "wine time".

So, today I woke up with the attitude that it's a new day (go ahead and sing it..."it's a new dawn, a new day..").

No matter how hard or long the days may seem, I have to remember that I am raising God's children.

He chose me to mother these two precious souls.

So I take on another day with the crazy challenges that come with parenting.

Head on.

With no little complaints. :-)

Just praying that the PPD doesn't come back this time to kick my butt.

Oh, and just a random photo that I took last night of my daughter.

She makes me smile :)