Hoping For a Better Attitude

I hate to sound like such a "Debbie downer".

Especially since I spent the last three years dreaming (and blogging) about the day I could be a stay at home mom and be WITH my husband.

But I use my blog as a way to get my thoughts out, and most of the time, once I see it published, I start to feel a little better and start seeing the bigger picture more clearly.

So.

Here. It. Goes.

I dislike it here...a lot. 

I wish I could use the word "hate", but I'm trying my best to take that word out of my vocabulary.

I've been trying to make the best of my situation, but a girl can only put on her fake smile so many times.

I broke down yesterday to my husband.

It started with a disagreement about something trivial, but it was just an outlet for me to finally let all the emotions behind my fake smile come out.

 The weather has turned me into a complete "winter hermit".

I HATE dislike leaving my house, freezing, and ruining a perfectly good pair of Uggs cause the parking lot at Trader Joe's wasn't properly cleared of the nasty, slushy, gray, melting snow.

I miss being able to take my daughter to the park any day of the week in my flip flops.

I miss my old church (although we found a great one out here).

I miss the laid back attitudes of California and the Texas "twangs" back home.

I'm tired of everyone telling me, "it'll get better once you make friends!" or "it'll get better once the weather warms up!"

The Marine Corps has sent be everywhere from Iraq to Alaska (and everywhere in between).

I've been in 11 different countries and cities around the world, and I have always gone with a positive attitude and a sense of adventure.

I even made the best of my time in Iraq, and I have found myself reminiscing about my time there.

But for WHATEVER reason, I. Just. Can't. Find. My. Sense. Of. Adventure. Here. 

I find myself dreaming of the day when we leave New England, and I tell myself, "This is just temporary."

Sometimes I feel like I wasn't cut out to be a "Marine Wife" because I'm so stuck in my ways as a Marine.

I've never had to "follow" my husband anywhere, and I've never been forced to do anything because of my husband's job.

The Marine Corps has always decided all of that for me, and if it didn't work with what the Corps decided for him....tough cookies....oh well....this sucks....life went on.

In a way, being a Marine made me selfish.

Sure, I sacrificed months and months of time with my husband, and I dreaded every deployment, every field op, and every training evolution that he wasn't home.

Sure, I absolutely despised playing "single mom" for the majority of my daughter's life so far.

BUT...at least, I was doing "my own thing" with "my own career" wearing "my own uniform".

I'm hoping getting more involved with church will help me get out of this funk.

And don't get me wrong...

I LOVE the fact that my husband has somewhat of a "normal" job for now.

I am THANKFUL that he won't deploy for at least the next 3 years.

And I am loving the time we are having as a family, and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

I just need lots of prayers to see God's purpose for putting us here instead of Texas like we had planned.

I was so not cut out for New England though...

(no offense to anyone who's from here, who thinks I'm crazy for not thinking this place is wonderful...)

Besides this "attitude" problem I am currently experiencing about New England, I am really enjoying all the fun things I get to do at home all day with my daughter.

 

A fellow Korean on my Facebook mentioned that my daughter looked like a Korean "ahjuma" in this pic....lol. (I guess you have to be Korean to really think it's funny)

Breakfast in our jammies on the couch under a big nice warm blanket.