Grace and Compassion

You know those people who tend to have what I call "diarrhea of the mouth"?

You know those people who say what's on their minds regardless if it's appropriate or not?

They say out loud what EVERYONE else is thinking?

Yeah, that's not me.

Although, I do feel that maybe in my younger, less mature years of life, I suffered from this disease...diarrhea of the mouth.

As a Marine, this disease came in handy when it came to standing up for myself or my Marines in front of higher ranking people. 

It also got me a lot of ass chewings.

But, hey...at least my point was made, and I stood up for someone. 

As I got more mature (and wiser) in the Marine Corps, I learned this thing called "tact".

Which if used correctly, saying "F*&^% you" to someone using "tactful and professional sounding words" is actually a lot more powerful than spewing out anything and everything under the sun.

Since getting out of the Marine Corps, and finally moving back to Texas, I've become a way happier, peaceful, and optimistic version of myself. 

Gone is the girl who hated the world, the Marine Corps, Massachusetts...

Gone is the girl who just saw the negative in everything. 

I've mentioned before that people close to me have noticed even my Instagram (@domesticatedcombatboots) and Facebook posts have become seemingly more cheerful and upbeat since moving back here to Texas.

Last night, my happy, peaceful, and optimistic version of myself temporarily left me.

I won't go into detail over the incident, because frankly, it's none of my business...or anyone else for that matter.

But I lost it on a person last night.

I was defending a friend who I felt was treated unfairly and wrong.

I defended a friend who ended up in a predicament because of "untruths"....I won't say "lies" because I don't know the whole story. 

Something tells me though that the whole story isn't the full truth anyway. 

I said hurtful things and hurled insults. 

I said things that felt liberating when I said them, because I said everything that everyone else was thinking.

I even got a few "attaboys" and "thank you! someone finally said it!"

But the minute that feeling of liberation went away, I instantly regretted the way I handled the situation.

I woke up this morning feeling awful, and I had this pit in my stomach.

 I have this personality trait where I tend to take on the burden of people's pain and sadness...especially people I love and that I am close to. 

I had said some pretty mean and nasty things to someone who is probably experiencing deep pain of their own...a broken person.

I was ungodly, and looking back, I wish I would have shown more grace and compassion towards this person rather than let my temper and anger take over me. 

I prayed this morning for everyone involved, and prayed for myself. 

I hope that the next time I see this person, I'll have to courage to apologize for being a jerk, and not showing more grace. 

Hopefully, through that, this person can see God through me....