Deployment Day :-(

Nick left today. I have so many emotions going through me it's crazy. One minute I'm depressed, sad, miserable, the next, I'm relieved, refreshed, happy. I'm glad that he's finally gone just because the anticipation of him leaving all last week was more stressful on me than him actually leaving. We spent our last evening together doing "Taco Tuesday". Nick cooked the most delicious tacos. He had his last Newcastle, and the rest of the evening we just hung out watching tv and playing with Dannika. He gave her, her last bath and put her to bed. He recorded two bedtime stories for her on my camera for me to play for her. I bawled my eyes out watching them. We had be at Camp Pendleton by 230am, so our friends, Thomas, Dulce, Jewett, and Ellis all came over to our house. Ellis just said his farewell and left cause of work, and everyone else came to Pendleton with me for moral support and to say goodbye to Nick. I'm glad they came, cause they kept my spirits somewhat up while we were waiting on Nick to draw his weapons from the armory. As soon as I saw him walk into that gym with his weapons, I mentally lost it. My heart just sank. Dannika was busy blowing raspberries and just enjoying her daddy's company. It broke my heart cause she had no idea that after today, it would be the last time she would see him for 7 long months. By the time he returns, she'll be walking, talking, and hopefully have a little more hair! The dreaded announcement, "You have 10 minutes to say your goodbyes"...I fell into a state of depression. Watching Nick say goodbye to Dannika was the hardest thing for me to watch. It was worse cause when he put her down in her stroller to say goodbye to me, she started to cry. I held onto him so tight. I have never hugged anyone like that in my entire life...like some part of me thought that the longer I held onto him, the longer I would have him with me. Thomas wouldn't let me watch the buses leave...thank God he did that because I would have had an emotional breakdown. Dulce drove me home and I watched as we drove away from my better half...the love of my life...my hero...my U.S. Marine...my husband. When we got home, I tried to make Dannika a bottle without putting her down cause she was upset and hungry...but instead i spilled formula EVERYWHERE on my coffee table. I just bawled for a few minutes thinking to myself that if Nick were here, that wouldn't have happened cause he would have offered to make her bottle for her. I fed Dannika, laid her down next to me in our bed and slept for a good hour and a half. I woke up refreshed and a little less depressed. I read a story (Where the Wild Things Are) to Dannika and said a prayer with her in my lap. It made me feel a whole lot better. I went to lunch today with Dulce and Kim, and it was nice. They helped me get my mind off of things, but all good things come to an end. When I got home, I saw Nick's truck parked on the street and for a moment, I thought he was home. I put Dannika down for a nap, and now I'm sitting her thinking about Nick and blogging. I can't wait for this deployment to be over...