Running For My Soul

I totally go through waves of emotions when Nick is gone.

I go from an "I got this, no big deal" kinda attitude one day to a "Ugh, I just want my husband back, and I'm sad and lonely" kinda attitude the next day.

Although I'm in a good groove with my kids and life, it still sucks when I have time to think and realize how much more fun the summertime would be with Nick around.

It's my favorite season, and for the last 4 years, I haven't gotten to spend it with my better half.

I really am over the moon excited that we will spend NEXT summer...THE ENTIRE SUMMER...together.

I catch myself daydreaming about next summer more than I probably should sometimes.

One thing I tend to really focus a lot of my energy on when Nick is gone is fitness.

Nick and I are both pretty big into working out and staying in shape, but for whatever reason, when he leaves, I get a little crazy into my work out sessions.

One thing I do a lot more of when he's gone is solo runs...and by "solo", I mean running without a running partner....but with two kids in a jogging stroller.

I've always considered myself a "runner".

I am not an ultra distance runner.

The average distance I run in one run is about 4-8 miles, and I average about 20 miles a week at roughly a 730-830 pace.

My days of running 12+ miles in one run are over thanks to my knee and hip problems (Thanks Marine Corps!).

When I gear up to run, I usually take anti inflammatory meds, pain killers, and KT taping the crap out of my knee.

Even then, towards about mile 5, my chronic knee condition will start to slowly flare up.

But there's something about going on a run that is so good for my soul, that the pain is worth pushing through.

It's healing to my soul...

I leave all my worries on the pavement...

I leave all my negative thoughts and emotions on the pavement...

For those moments when I'm running, life kinda stops, and it's just me and God.

And some days...you just run to enjoy nature...not worry about your pace....or time....

Those are the best runs ever.

An 1132 pace is pretty dang slow for my level, but running in the humidity yesterday with my headphones on, and my kids sleeping soundly in the jogging stroller was the best hour and 15 minutes of solitude I had all day.

And those moments of solitude made me a better mother yesterday to these hellions angels.

"Wake up big sister!"

"Fine, I'm just going to cuddle with you then..."

Yeah, he's playing with my dirty flip flop, and no I didn't stop him.

He was so content just throwing them up in the air and squealing with excitement.

Second child syndrome...

And of course while we were at big sister's gymnastics class, he wanted to put every single toy from the play area into his mouth and crawl around like a dog.

No telling where that puzzle piece has been...

Second child syndrome...

My daughter had her very last Spring gymnastics class yesterday, and starting next week, she'll start summer private lessons!

Can this week be over already? 

:)

And Just Like That

This little angel of mine...

Turned into a Kindergartener today...

Princess crown and all...this is how she went off to her last day of Preschool today.

I seriously can not believe how grown up she looks compared to her first day of school photo.

I mean, you can even tell how much she's grown in height just by comparing her to the chalkboard!

Her "baby face" is slowly fading, and it's almost too much for this mama to handle.

Dannika Jane...my sweet sweet Dannika Jane...

You have the biggest heart I know, and I catch myself learning from you about what true compassion is.

You befriend those who have no friends, and the ones that no one wants to be friends with.

You compromise better than anyone I know...adults and children alike. 

You have such a sweet, sensitive soul, and because of that, you wear your emotions on your sleeve. 

Just like your mama, your feelings are easily hurt.

But, you are truly a rock and a fighter.

You bring me up with your sweet sweet hugs, and your kind words when I am sad and missing daddy.

You've kept me from being lonely through two deployments, a year apart from daddy, and many more times where it's been just you and me.

You've been my sidekick more times than I can count.

You've been through quite a bit in your short (almost) 5 years of precious life.

I can't believe that in just a few short months, I'll be sending you to Kindergarten...

From there, your journey begins....

I love you, sweet girl!

Mattis on her first day of school...

Mattis today...

Life Lately (And Lots of Pics)

We're finally in a groove.

We've adjusted to living life without Nick, once again, and we're doing just fine.

I just wish the weather were a little more "summery".

The weather's been nice, but it doesn't quite feel like June yet.

We have a busy few weeks coming up, and I'm hoping it'll make time creep a little faster than it already has been.

A good friend of mine from my old first enlistment Marine Corps days is coming up here for business trip, and is hanging out with me this weekend.

This is her and me...as young and wild Corporals.

Next week, one of Nick's former midshipman turned PLC'er (if you're confused, just google it) is staying with us for about 2 weeks before she goes off to OCS this summer. 

I'm excited to have another adult around the house, and just have someone to have some decent conversation with that does not require talking about Frozen (or anything Disney for that matter), the importance of eating veggies, and why we don't use a whole roll of toilet paper to wipe our bums.

(story later)

The one good thing I get out of life without Nick is that I truly really learn to appreciate the little things about my kids.

I feel like when he's around, I'm so "laisse faire" about life, that I forget the little things.

Every time Nick has left, I scramble to make profound memories with my kids, and I often ask myself why I don't do this when he's around.

I guess when he's gone, I just want to "soften the blow" of his absence for my kids, and I try and do as much as possible to make their feelings of missing him a distant memory. 

Truth is, when he's around, he's the one that makes the most profound memories with our kids.

Nick is always in the mindset that he won't always be around, so when he is, he goes big.

Sometimes, I feel like I'm too hard on her, and that I am putting too much responsibility on her....my goodness, she's only 4.

But then I look over and see this goofy girl wearing her swim goggles around the house, and I smile and remember that she's still a kid at heart...wild and free (but not too wild).

A few nights ago, after Mattis went to bed, we had a full blown dance party...just the girls...

Sunglasses, princess dresses, and semi loud country music on blast (Mattis was asleep, remember?)

Lots of park days.

I love swinging on the swings with Mattis in my lap while he squeals in excitement as he watches his big sister playing.

He is so eager to be out there with her, and he seems frustrated most of the time.

Soon, little guy...soon...but not too soon...

He refuses to sit...he just wants to stand...

Dannika was a little bummed out yesterday from all the hoopla surrounding Father's Day at church and at school last week.

But by grace, Nick had an opportunity to call and talk to her for an entire 2 minutes last night.

She was over the moon, and it was the perfect ending to our weekend.

And this guy...

He started doing the motivated Marine Corps low crawl right before Nick left...

But he is determined to walk, and spends most of his days pulling himself up on things (like this couch in this pic).

Our neighbors across the street have become such amazing friends, neighbors, and mentors to Nick and I.

They've always been there for me when Nick has been gone.

The other night, we walked across to their house to have a glass of wine, and Dan (in the pictures) spent a good two hours playing hide and seek, soccer, and broom ball with Dannika,

He let me just sit and enjoy my wine with his wife.

I call him Dannika's "pseudo dad" when Nick is away.

He is so great with her.

The kids spent the afternoon yesterday in the pool.

The sun was out, but the temps weren't ideal for swimming.

The water was cold, and my spunky 4 year old did not have a care in the world.

I kept asking if she was cold and wanted to go inside, and while shivering, she told me she was not cold, and wanted to play.

Little man just wanted to keep crawling out of his pool...

Hope everyone had a great weekend!

We're starting WEEK 3 of 10 today! Hooray!

You Were Born To Move Mountains

Nick has spent 1 out of his 5 years of being a father at home with us for Father's Day.

But it doesn't take away from the fact that he's the most amazing father to our children.

Nick is my hero.

I knew from the moment I met him that he was destined to do great things.

He was born to move mountains.

God had mapped out the life of this 6 foot tall white guy from a tiny little town in Alabama long before he was even born.

God made Nick's potential absolutely limitless. 

HE has shown us time and time again with all his accomplishments as a Marine that He had such unbelievable plans for this wonderful man I get to call my husband.

And since becoming a father on July 12, 2009, and a father once again on August 26, 2013, I've watched him carefully work fatherhood into this great life that he is destined to do amazing things in.

I tell him all the time that he is more present in our lives than some fathers who get to be home every night with their families.

It's the absolute truth.

When he is home, he makes that time count....every single minute of it.

I've never seen a father more involved and sacrifice so much to be present in his children's lives. 

I've never seen a man love so big when he's with our kids.

He has a sense of appreciation for time that most father's do not  have because they get to come home every night, and tuck their kids in.

I truly believe that he is a better father to our children because he's spent countless sacrificial hours, days, months, and even a year away from our children.

The time he has with them is ten times more precious than the time the average father has with their children.

I don't for a second doubt that our children ever feel abandoned or unloved by him.

Happy Father's Day to my hero!

We will celebrate 4 missed Father's Days next year in Texas!

Drama At The Pre-K Olympics

Yesterday, my daughter had her preschool's annual Olympic games at Natick High School's football field.

They tie it in with the local Special Olympics games, and let the preschoolers participate in a couple of events.

It's a big event in the community, and there's always a ton of people who come to watch.

All the public schools in Natick come down to the high school football field for the day to spectate and cheer the athletes on too.

For the opening ceremonies, just like any sporting event, they sing the National anthem.

At this particular event, they had the local police department do the color guard, and everyone sang the National anthem together.

As people started singing it in unison, a young couple behind me (probably 18-20 years old) with a newborn baby started snickering.

The snickering turned into straight up laughing, and on top of the laughing, the young boy (I can't call him a man) started making disrespectful remarks about the color guard.

ALL IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NATIONAL ANTHEM!

I turned around once, and gave him the look of death, to which he was quiet for a good 2 seconds before he started carrying on again.

His wife was egging him on by laughing at him.

My blood started to slowly boil, and by the time the National Anthem had been sung, I turned around, and I let my emotions get the best of me.

I yelled some not so nice words to this couple about respecting the National Anthem.

I used words I have no used in YEARS....YEARS, PEOPLE!

Looking back in hindsight, I wish I would have handled the situation a little better (and a bit more eloquently), but nothing gets me more heated than people who have no respect for our flag, National Anthem, and just America in general ('Murica!).

 I did feel a little bad when I realized I was surrounded by a TON of kids.

I should have yelled "earmuffs!" before I went off on them.

Thank God that a few of the parents came up to me afterwards to tell me that what I said needed to be said.

It made me feel not so bad about sounding like a sailor in a bar brawl.

Besides that little incident, the rest of the day ended up being awesome.

Dannika had so much fun, and watching her up against her classmates made me realize that we have a little athlete on our hands!!

#proudmama

She came home with a medal!

She was so happy to be on "Team Pink"!

And in true Olympics fashion, I had her bite her medal for a pic.

Today, was her classroom's end of year party.

I absolutely can not believe that she only has one more week of preschool!

She's going to "real school" next year, and it seriously amazes me just how fast these last 5 years have flown by.

Thanks for coming to the end of year party, Nick!

Straight from my Facebook page:

This girl is my rock, and for the past short 5 years of her life, she has made me smile and laugh through deployments, separations, and challenges that come with military life. 

She's endured more goodbyes and welcome homes than the average adult ever will in a lifetime.

Her precious soul is a beaming light.

 I love you, my first born and sweet sweet girl.

 You're a fighter and a lover.