3 Tips on Making Solo Parenting Doable

It's officially September, and in 8 days, our family will be whole again! By the time Nick comes home, we will have officially lived separately for 354 very long days. Looking back on the last year, I truly appreciate the sacrifice that Nick made when he agreed to the decision to go on with his training without his family with him. I'm not saying that it was easy for me (or my children), but it was definitely harder for Nick. I know boredom, and missing out on our lives for past year has really been rough for Nick. It's been tough on our kids to not have their dad around every day too. I pray that one day, they can look back at this year we got to spend in good ole College Station, and truly appreciate the extra time we got to spend here.

Over the last year, I've really had to readjust my life to parenting "solo". I never use the word "single parent" in my case, because I'm not a "single parent". I have a loving and supportive partner who more than provides for our family financially and emotionally. There is no child support or child custody arrangement involved (which many single parents deal with). Before Nick left, I was used to having a lot of help with our kids. Nick does A LOT for me around the home when he can. He cooks, does dishes, cleans the house, bathes the kids, gets them ready for bed, and always remembers to pour me a glass of wine. It was also nice to have another person to share carpool duties with. On days I had a lot going on, just having Nick to pick up D from gymnastics, and grab Mattis from school was so helpful. When Nick left, I had to figure life out alone, and there was definitely an adjustment period.

I thought I'd give y'all 3 tips on how I "solo parent" to make my life a little less stressful. These things really help me to "sail my ship smoothly"!

1. Structure. I'm a former Marine (of 10 years), and married to a still active duty Marine who just happens to be a former drill instructor. We love structure in our lives! No, we don't run our home like a boot camp, but there is definitely a lot of structure. When Nick is gone, I go into overdrive when it comes to structure. I schedule everything in our home down to the last minute.

For example, in the mornings, I am up at 5am no matter what. I need that extra hour before my kids get up for some "me" time. I throw on my favorite podcast (will blog about that soon) while I pack my kids' lunches, write them notes, get dressed, and go through their folders to see if I need to sign anything. This takes about 20-25 mins. I spend the last 30 minutes of my morning alone reading a devotional. My kids are up by 5:50am (it gives them 10 minutes to get up out of bed), and by 6:20, they've had their breakfast. They know if they're not done by 6:20, mama isn't happy, and I'm not messing around. I don't let them watch TV while eating breakfast or have screen time (because that distracts them). Their sole purpose in life is to eat. By 6:35, they've brushed their teeth and gotten dressed. I brush their hair, pack their backpacks, and make sure they're ready. This gives us a good 30 minutes to relax before we need to be out the door. I let them watch a TV show, or play a game on their tablet. Our mornings are stress free and calmer because we are not rushing to get out the door to make it to school on time. No one is yelling to "Put your shoes on!" or "Where are your socks?!?" or whatever other phrase I have oftentimes yelled at my kids when we are rushing to get out the door. 

Out the door with plenty of time to take photos on our way to school!

Because I am doing this alone, having this structure keeps us all on task, and it helps me keep my sanity in tact. I don't have Nick here to help me with the load, so having a tight schedule really helps me make sure everything that needs to be done, gets done!

2. Me Time. I can't tell you how much I used to love days when I'd tell Nick, "you got the kids for a few hours. I just want to roam around Target." Being a solo parent gives you less alone time. The first few months Nick was gone, I realized I was starting to go a little crazy. One particular day, my kids were being the complete opposite of the angels that I knew them to be (hahahaha!), and I had lost my cool...like screaming at my kids like a crazy banshee. I sat on the floor of my closet with the doors shut, in the dark, with a glass of wine, and cried sobbed. I realized that I hadn't done anything for myself since Nick had left. I booked a baby sitter, texted all my friends, and planned a girls night. I try to make a genuine effort to hire a sitter, and go out with my friends for dinner every once in a while.

Me and my friends on our last "girls night out".

Also, I go the gym every. single. day. I don't skip days. Some days, I go twice a day. But that time in the gym is my favorite time of the day. It's where I do my thinking, and just let all my frustrations out.

This is my gym fam. They really are like family! 

3. Pray. You know that 30 minutes I have to myself in the early mornings?  I read a devotional, and I pray. It really sets the tone for my day, and having some one on one time with God gives me a lot of peace. I often get stressed and anxious about everything that I need to do alone with my kids for the day. It's nice to get the reassurance from God that "I'm going to be ok", because He's handling it for me. I don't believe in that phrase, "God will never give you more than you can handle." That is lie. This past year has been WAY more than I could handle. However, through prayer and through His grace and mercy (lots of mercy), I have figured out how to handle this life that I've been chosen to live. I have fallen apart multiple times throughout this past year, and have questioned my life choices (more than once). Every time, God has found a way to show me that "this too shall pass".

There a several other ways that I have found to make solo parenting doable for me. I'll continue to write about it as I think about them. Everyone knows that I am a hot mess, so if I can do this, anyone can. It's just a matter of finding YOUR balance, and what works best for your family!

When Your Kid Grows Up While Daddy is Away

This is Dannika when we first moved here to College Station. She was 5 years old, and had just started Kindergarten.

This is Dannika today. She is 9 years old, and just starting 4th grade.

Today is the first time I looked at Dannika and thought, "Oh my gosh! She is really a 'big' girl!" Since 3rd grade, she is significantly more mature. She has grown so much emotionally, physically, and mentally. It's hard to grasp that she is the same little girl in the first photo. 

During parent orientation for third grade (last year), I remember her teacher saying that "3rd grade is when they seem to grow the most." I nodded in agreement, and went on with my life. But in the blink of an eye, it happened. I looked at Dannika today, and realized that she is a completely different girl than she was a year ago. She is SO much more mature. I can leave her at home alone (with Mattis) for an 1-2 hours during the day while I run errands, go to the gym, etc. If Mattis is misbehaving, she texts me from her iPad. She sets her own alarm in the mornings. She picks out her own clothes. She's like a miniature grown up. 

If you keep up with my life, you know that Nick has even gone since September of last year. He's come home for most holidays, but for the most part, he has been living in a different state than us. This is nothing new for our family. As a military family, I have spent more time alone than with my husband due to his (and my) commitment to the Marine Corps. Nick missed countless holidays and milestones in our family because of the Marine Corps. But, this year...has been the hardest. You would think that him being in combat would be the hardest, but honestly, it wasn't. I think when he was in Afghanistan, I went into "la la land". I refused to believe the conditions he was in, and refused to think that he could possibly not come home. I lived in my safe bubble, to protect my heart from the possible worst news...every military wife's worst nightmare...the "knock at the door". 

Thinking about Dannika today just made me so sad that Nick missed an entire year of her life when she did so much growing. We did our best to make him a part of our life while he was away through phone calls and FaceTime, but it's never enough. He's not home for dinner time shenanigans, bath times, bedtime conversations, family movie nights, family game nights, ice cream dates, etc. etc. etc. I can go on and on. But my heart is most broken of the fact that he missed this entire year that our daughter grew so much.

I know it doesn't get easier. Everyone keeps reminding me that puberty is on the horizon, and that I need to enjoy this time while she likes me. But I can't think about the horrors of puberty as a military wife. Our "right now" sucks because we've been apart from the better half of our family (and trust me...Nick is the better half...I'm a hot mess). 

Anyway, regardless of all of this "blog vomit", I know that our life as a military family is for God's glory. Although, my prayers sometimes consist of a lot of "why me" and "you must hate me", I have comfort in knowing that I am the daughter of a King who allows me to be mad at Him. He allows me to yell at Him. He allows me to use Him as a "punching bag". And yet...He still chooses to love me, pursue me, comfort me, and be my friend. 

"I can never escape from your Sprit! I can never get away from your presence! If I go up to heaven, you are there; if I go down to the grave, you are there." (Psalm 139:7-8)

I hope everyone has an awesome Labor Day Weekend! Follow me at on Instagram @SemperAg_blog , and message me!

Celebrating Birthdays as a Military Kid

I thought of a million ways to start this post, but let me just say...

"Today is my sweet baby boy's 5th birthday!!!!"

It sounds so cliché, and I feel like every parent says the same thing every year on their kids' birthdays, but...

"Where does the time go?!"

It literally feels like yesterday when we moved here to Texas, and Mattis was barely 1! He took his very first steps in our home here, and here he is, 4 years later. Mattis is my comedian. He keeps me laughing every single day with his funny antics and hilarious insights about life and his circumstances. His love language is physical touch (physical touch is the lowest on the ladder for me), and he shows me every day that human physical contact is important. He is quite the charmer with his adorable smile, and nobody is a stranger to him. He is sensitive, and wears his heart on his sleeve (just like his mama and his sister). He loves playing with Ninja Turtles and the Hulk at bath time, but also loves playing with his sister and her American Girl dolls. He loves watching YouTube videos of kids opening toys (eye roll). He is a dreamer and a lover of life. He shows me not to take life too seriously. Happy 5th Birthday to my sweet baby boy!

Here is our family when he FIRST moved here to Texas!

Here is my sweet birthday boy, today as a big 5 year old!

This isn't the first birthday that Nick has missed. I can't count the number of birthdays, anniversaries, and special occasions that Nick has missed due to commitments to the Marine Corps. I distinctly remember Dannika's 1st birthday. Our first child's first birthday, and he was in Afghanistan. I remembered how disappointed he sounded on the phone when he called me on her birthday all the way from Afghanistan. I vividly remember him trying to sound excited and up beat as he Skyped us on her birthday, but as his wife, I could see right through his facade of fake emotion. Truth is, he was sad he couldn't be with us to celebrate such a milestone birthday. It never gets easier either. Every time he has been away for a big milestone or holiday, I get the same Nick on the phone. A father trying his best to have a positive attitude, and trying his best to exude some sort of excitement on the phone or FaceTime as he hears his family celebrating miles and miles away. But I know. I've been married to the guy long enough to know when he's trying to hide his disappointment for not being here with us. 

But this is our life. 

Nick texted me today, and specifically asked me to "...make sure Mattis knows that I really want to be there for his b day. I can't tell you how many birthdays {insert name of someone in his life} missed and never cared about calling or doing anything for us." 

Then I cried...in my car...after working out at the gym. Sweaty and crying is not a good combination for me. Not good for my skin...

It's tough on me as a mom to try and make things like birthdays super special for my kids. I have a lot of mom guilt, because their dad's not here. So I make up for it by going a little overboard with birthday celebrations. But in my 10 years as a military spouse, I have come to realize it's even harder on the spouse that is gone. Imagine watching your family "do life" from afar, and there's nothing you can do to be there with them. It sucks. I remember being deployed, and while I wasn't married or had kids, I remember watching everyone "back home" living their lives, while I was just "there". Someone once told me, "When you're deployed (or away from family), life stops for you. But life goes on for everyone else."

So, what do we do to make it easier?

FACETIME AND PHONE CALLS! It's all we got! I make it intentional to FaceTime Nick when we sing Happy Birthday (at 6am), and we call him and FaceTime him multiple times throughout the day. We try and make him a part of our celebration as much as possible! I constantly remind the kids of how much he loves them, and wishes he were here. 

As a seasoned military family, we've come up with creative ways to include our Marine when he's gone. I think it makes my kids appreciate him so much more when he is home, and it makes him appreciate us so much more when he's with us. At the end of the day, we are super proud of Nick. All the time he's spent away is worth it to us. He has one of the most noble professions in the world, and I proudly stand by him!

Here are some photos from Mattis' special day!

I went to HEB (our local grocery store) at 9:30 the night before to buy candles, because I realized we had no candles for his Birthday donuts.

I woke up at 5:30 to go to Shipley's Donuts to buy him donuts before he woke up.

HASHTAG MOMLIFE

I'm also going to add...

This dang "Happy Birthday" banner that I bought at Target was a PAIN IN THE BUTT to put together...

It literally took me 20 minutes....

 We started with sparklers....

This photo, I forced him to smile (by screaming...loudly talking..."SMILE MATTIS!!!"

This was his actual face during the entire time the sparkler was lit until it burned out....

We sang and danced to the Koo Koo Kangaroo birthday song (that is permanently stuck in my head all day)

"Hooray, Hooray! It's Mattis' Birthday!"

We did church...

Mattis and his stuffed dog Jake (that Dannika made at Build-A-Bear) for him as a gift.

One month old...

and Today!

We have a family tradition to let our kids pick wherever they want to eat for their birthday!

Mattis wanted Chick Fil A...

But his birthday is on a Sunday this year...

Talk about one disappointed 5 year old.

He settled for Mad Taco instead (which was a better choice for me!)

Then he request a trip to Walgreens (lol) to get a toy.

He chose this gigantic ball called the "Wubble Bubble".

It comes in this little package, and you blow it up to make it big.

He's a simple kid.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MATTIS! You're the coolest kid I know!

Last First Day in Texas

My kids are finally back in school after a long summer. I feel a little robbed of my summer because we didn't go on vacation like we normally do. Our family was anticipating a move to Okinawa, so we opted not to go on vacation (also, Nick has been gone all summer in North Carolina). Then we found out at the end of the summer, that our orders were switched to Yuma. Bummer.

I think I'm in the same boat as most parents when I say that I was definitely ready for school to start. My kids were getting restless at home. My pantry was looking pretty bare. The constant echoes of "I'm bored" and "There is NOTHING to do" was starting to drive me a little crazy (a lot crazy). I've definitely had a few moments where I could have shown a little more patience, grace, and mercy to my kids.  Who am I kidding, I have definitely screamed like a lunatic to get my kids to listen to me and behave. This is, of course, followed by an immense amount of guilt for losing my cool.

It was a bittersweet first day of school. It was sweet because my kids were ready to go back. They were ready to go see their friends, wear their new clothes and shoes, and get away from the screaming banshee that they call "mama". It was bitter because this is literally our very last first day of school in Texas. In just a few short weeks, we'll be pulling the kids out of school and moving them to a whole new state. I'm not quite sure what that is going to be like emotionally for Dannika. She has the closest ties to this place, and she has a posse of girls that have become like sisters to her over the last 4 years. It terrifies me as a mother to think that I'm going to have to deal with a heartbroken 9 year old. For some reason, I am not worried at all about Mattis. Because he is so young, I doubt he will even remember this place. We moved here to Texas when Dannika was 5, and she has vague recollections and memories of our time in Massachusetts.

Speaking of Mattis, we started him in Kindergarten here! Because we are only going to be here a short time, we decided to enroll him. He BARELY makes the age cutoff for Kindergarten! In fact, he's still 4 years old, and probably one of the youngest Kindergarteners in the school (he turns 5 on Sunday). Once we move to Yuma, we are planning on holding him back one more year, and putting him back in Pre-K. When I drop him off in the mornings in his classroom, he looks so much smaller than all the others. I know I'm making the right decision to hold him back. But for now, he'll get small dose of that Kinder life, before we move. His teacher is a friend of mine, so I feel comfortable knowing that he's going to be just fine for the few short weeks we are here.

I've been loving everyone's back to school photos! Keep them coming! Enjoy some of mine!

Mattis with his friends Addison and Bailey!

Addison and Bailey are twins (obviously), and they also have older siblings who are twins too!

In fact, their older sister Ally, is one of Dannika's best friends!

It's really neat that both of my kids get to be in the same class with a set of "the twins"!

Both my kids want to be doctors.

I think that's because my brother in law (who is a doctor) just spent the previous 4 days with us.

He should come around more often!

Here are 2nd day photos, because Dannika's outfit looks so dang adorable!

Here is my little man in front of his cubby!

I'm a little sad that we can't continue the school year here, because we love it so much. But I know that God has amazing plans for our family in Yuma. Any military families have any advice on dealing with a 9 year old moving in the middle of the school year? Any and all advice, suggestions, and comments are appreciated!

Being a Marine Wife and Looking for a JOB

A friend posted a statistic on her Facebook page  that "the average military family moves every 2.23 years. This not only means taking bets on what pieces of furniture are going to survive, but also new jobs for spouses, new schools for kids, new friends and new communities. The mental health effects are real too! Increases in anxiety and stress as well."

This resonated so much with me, because of the season of life that our family is going through. Having to leave a life and start a new one every 2-3ish years is tough. It's even tougher on kids. It's tough on marriages. It's tough on finances. It's just tough in general. And yet, thousands of military families have been doing it for decades and thriving. I also feel like a lot (not all!) of military spouses never reach their career potentials. Who wants to hire someone that's going to move in 2.23 years? Is it worth the investment for your company?

There are initiatives in place in Washington D.C. for rights of military spouses to be able to have careers and not be discriminated against because of their spouse's choice to serve our nation. That doesn't mean the problem has been solved.

What does this mean for me? When our family was slated to go to Okinawa, I had no plans of working. I wanted to enjoy our time there. I wanted to drive my kids to school and activities, go to the beach whenever I felt like, and travel. I had this glamorous life envisioned for me. I was going to be a doting Marine wife and mother. Kind of like a trophy wife, without the trophy wife budget (you can laugh). But of course, now that our family's plans have changed, I began looking for work. I wanted a job with flexible hours where I could pick up my kids from school, take them to practice, and be home in time to have dinner on the table. I figured it'd be easy to find a job. I graduated at the top of my class from a top tier college. I have 10 years of work experience in the Marine Corps. I have some work experience straight out of college in the healthcare industry. I have leadership skills from leading Marines (and MAJORING IN IT!). Through my job hunt, I found I was either over qualified, or under qualified. A lot of the jobs I was under qualified for were not because of work experience. I didn't qualify because of education. Unless I had a highly specialized degree (teaching, engineering, nursing, etc.), jobs I am qualified for are few and far between.

There were plenty of jobs that I felt I was qualified for based on my experience as a Marine coupled with a bachelor's degree. However, a lot of those jobs required a Master's degree. Someone told me that a Bachelor's degree is the new high school diploma. Everyone's got one. I've never felt like this statement was true until now. Through my frustration, I pulled the trigger, and applied for grad school. Yup! Homegirl is going to get a Masters. If that's what I need for better job opportunities as a military spouse, then, that's what I'm doing. I am applying for a program that is in line with what I majored in at Texas A&M. They offer an online Masters program in Ag Development, and since I absolutely LOVED my major, I know it'll be a good fit for me.

Some things I'm worried about. Actually, I'm only worried about one thing...the GRE. The math portion. I'm 34. I haven't taken a true math class since high school. So that's the only thing I have as a prayer request right now! I'm hoping that furthering my education will make me more "attractive" to potential employers, and that they will be able to look past my status as a "military spouse". Although, legally, they can't ask what my husband does for work in the hiring process, it is still an issue that military spouses deal with when looking for jobs.

So there you have it! It is the last week before school starts for my kids, and we have nothing ready. I haven't bought school supplies or school clothes. I am totally behind the power curve this year! I've been so consumed with this move to Yuma, that I've totally forgotten about back to school! This week will be crazy busy, for sure, but this mama is ready for the kids to be back in school!